As a follow-up to the last post we did about Yahoo’s 10 tips for those preparing for a divorce, here’s our spin on the last five bits of advice.
First, don’t bother trying to get revenge on your ex, it seldom works anyway. The Yahoo piece mentioned one especially nasty example of a wife telling her husband’s boss about an office affair. The news not only got her husband fired, but resulted in a huge loss of income for everyone involved. The wife’s alimony and child support payments were slashed as the ex looked for new employment. Even in less serious cases, badmouthing often works against you. Talking badly about your ex in front of the kids is never good as it puts them in a very uncomfortable position. It’s best to bite your tongue and channel your frustration in more positive ways.
Next, being divorced shouldn’t be viewed as a terrible failure. There’s nothing scandalous about a failed marriage and you shouldn’t concern yourself with worries about stigmas. Divorce just means that a relationship didn’t work, not that you are incapable of loving or being loved. Keep things in perspective as you move forward and meet new people.
Third, the holidays will be a real adjustment. It’s hard to prepare for how difficult spending Christmas or birthdays or Thanksgiving away from your kids will be until you experience it. It’s best to make plans early to ensure that when your kids are away you stay busy. Wallowing in your own depression won’t help the time pass any more quickly.
Fourth, though your kids might not say much about the divorce, their actions will speak volumes. Lots of kids will have trouble verbalizing their concerns, but pay attention to their behavior to see how they’re coping. Among young kids, if you see them regressing and behaving even younger than they are, that might be a concern. For older kids, anger, truancy problems or abnormal displays of defiance might be signs of trouble. The best way to handle issues is to address them as a family so everyone can talk about the changes they face.
Finally, and most importantly, divorce can be a really good thing. Though it’s bound to be difficult and draining, divorce can set you free from a bad or unhealthy relationship and be absolutely worth it in the end. Rather than view divorce as the end, it’s important to see it as a new beginning and a chance to take your life in a different and more positive direction.
If you find yourself facing the prospect of divorce in Charlotte, it is best to contact experienced family law attorneys who practice in Charlotte, North Carolina like those at Arnold & Smith, PLLC who can help guide you through the confusing process.
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