Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How is the amount of child support decided in North Carolina?”
A recent article on CaféMom.com focused on several examples of bad advice that women going through a divorce often hear. The author of the piece says that after she separated from her husband she found herself inundated with unsolicited advice about how to save her marriage.
Though the advice may have been well intentioned, it was usually misguided. Too many people fail to recognize that they will never understand the complicated emotions and actions that go into a marriage and their advice can inadvertently make an already difficult situation even worse.
One example of bad advice for someone facing a divorce is that the couple should simply stay married, that things will get better. This kind of advice is not only wrong, it can be offensive to those facing the end of their marriage, implying that had they simply stuck things out that a divorce would not have been necessary. The fact is that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity and continuing to stay in a broken marriage will not work to anyone’s benefit.
Another bit of bad advice is when friends of family members suggest staying together for the sake of the kids. The fact is children are remarkably able to adapt to changed circumstances and can easily thrive despite the demise of their parents’ marriage. Children are also not stupid and can tell if their parents are unhappy, merely keeping quiet about your displeasure for their sake will only make everyone miserable.
Another thing that can upset those facing a divorce is when a well-meaning friend says that all you need is a date night to fix things. For most people who are contemplating divorce, the marriage has already deteriorated to such an extent that a simple night at a decent restaurant will not lead to any meaningful change. By the time divorce is being considered couples often cannot stand to spend time together at home, let alone sit through an uncomfortable meal in public. Dates do not cure all.
Though the author of the piece acknowledges that most people offering these annoying tidbits are trying to help, the reality is that meddlesome friends should work hard to keep their advice to themselves. Divorce is a difficult process as it is and it can only be made worse when people who don’t fully understand your situation feel the need to interject.
If you find yourself facing a complicated family matter then you need the help of experienced family law attorneys in Charlotte, North Carolina who can help guide you through the often confusing process of divorce.
About the Author:
Matthew Arnold is a Managing Member with Arnold & Smith, PLLC where he focuses his practice on most aspects of Family law: divorce, child custody, child support, alimony, and equitable distribution. Mr. Arnold is an experienced trial attorney who has tried jury and bench trials in both North Carolina District Court and North Carolina Superior Court.
Mr. Arnold grew up in Charlotte, graduating from Providence Senior High School and continued his education at Belmont Abbey College on a basketball scholarship. After graduating cum laude he attended law school at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill on a full academic scholarship. In his spare time, Mr. Arnold enjoys golfing and spending time on the North Carolina Coast with his wife and three young children: two daughters and one son.
“7 Pieces of Bad ‘Advice’ You Get When Going Through a Divorce, “ by Jenny Erikson, published at CaféMom.com.
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