The old saying is “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” It’s really easy when meeting your new love’s former spouse to have thoughts turn negative. And while it’s true that some are every bit as evil as you may want to believe, exes don’t always have to be bad news. Contrary to popular belief, there are situations where an ex can be strictly friends or just a helpful co-parent. With that in mind, follow these rules from Match.com to help manage an ex in your life.
1. Set the right tone and be friendly
It’s true what they say; you usually get what you expect from people. If you’re already expecting the wicked witch and treat the ex as such that’s likely what you’ll get. Even if the ex had good intentions your negativity could turn her away.
2. Find common interests the two of you share
You might find that after getting to know the ex that you actually have lots in common (besides your current partner of course). Avoiding over sharing (which we’ll discuss later) and the two of you might be able to get along swimmingly.
3. Never discuss your current relationship issues
As we mentioned above too much information can be a danger of hanging out with an ex. In order to be friendly with your current partner’s ex you MUST leave the personal details of your current relationship out of it. Not only will telling too much invite a third person into your relationship, but it can poison the remaining good feelings between the recently broken up parties.
4. Watch feelings of jealousy
Trust is obviously an important ingredient to any relationship, but when it comes to exes who are still in the picture, it’s essential. Dealing with someone who knew him before you did (and probably knows things about him that you have yet to discover) can be unnerving, to say the least. The fear that they might get back together can lurk beneath the surface but is ultimately destructive not just to your possible friendship but even to your relationship. Constant worrying can create problems that may not have existed in their absence.
5. Trust your instincts if something feels funny
One woman interviewed in the article summed it up this way: “My husband is friends with many of his ex-girlfriends. I don’t let it bother me. For the most part, it’s no big deal.” Only one was ever a problem. “It wasn’t as if she was especially gorgeous or brilliant or anything, but whenever she came around, Tom seemed to be on edge, and I always felt a funny undercurrent around her. She was always trying so hard to be friends with me.” The woman’s husband later admitted that the pushy ex had been coming on to him and had been threatening to tell his wife that they were having an affair, even though they weren’t. In that case it was important to trust your gut, something just didn’t sit well and with good reason, listen to your instincts and be honest about your concerns.
If you find yourself facing questions regarding divorce or custody then you need the help of an experienced divorce law firm in Charlotte, North Carolina who can help guide you through the confusing process.
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