Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Blog

Divorce in Mecklenburg County, NC and Facebook

Published on: May 10, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Facebook recently received tons of attention thanks to its disappointing IPO. Its’ now in the news for a different and surprising reason, a survey that revealed that in 2011 one-third of all divorce filing contained the word “Facebook.” The Wall Street Journal mentioned the shocking statistic and highlighted the news that 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys believe social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise, according to data from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Attorneys cite examples of Facebook being brought up in the course of depositions, as evidence of infidelity or children’s pages being used to prove bad parenting. Once the information is released into the world it’s impossible to get it back and remains ripe for the picking when a contentious divorce takes place.

Only three years ago 20% of all divorce filings contained the word “Facebook.” Today that number stands at 33%, according to the AAML. Though the percentage increased the main reasons for the mentions have remained the same: inappropriate messages to people of the opposite gender and nasty comments between separated spouses.

One expert who researchers the relationship behavior of college students said that breaking up via Facebook is a way for some to permanently end a relationship that has been dragging on for far too long. Doing something so public is a good way to air dirty laundry and ensures that no attempt at reconciliation occurs.

Gay Divorce without Gay Marriage?

Published on: May 8, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

We’ve all read the articles about North Carolina voters’ decision to approve the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. The issue is very controversial and has generated nationwide attention. But what about gay divorce? Like any other relationships, gay marriages can sometimes go bad. And, although gay marriage is not recognized still in many states, courts are having to grapple with what to do when a legally married gay couple wants to end things. One Ohio judge recently saw just such a case and decided to permit gay divorce in a state that doesn’t recognize gay marriage.

Two men from Columbus, Ohio, Jonathan Baize and Stephen Wissman, were granted a divorce in March by a judge with the Franklin County Domestic Relations Court. While it is certainly unusual for both parties in an Ohio divorce proceeding to be of the same sex, one attorney who was present at the hearing described the proceedings utterly “unremarkable.” Rather than serve as a historic moment in the state, the divorce was simply paperwork.

The two men married not long ago, on September 1, 2011, at a ceremony in New York State. They then returned home to Ohio but decided to divorce soon thereafter, a decision that has important implications for Ohio law. In 2004, Ohio voters approved an amendment to the state’s constitution that prohibited gay marriage. Supporters of the amendment have argued that by allowing a gay divorce a court would be forced to tacitly acknowledge that a marriage was valid in the first place.

Proponents of the decision turn to the letter of the law and point out that the amendment refers only to marriage and does not deal with same-sex divorce. The judge handling the case apparently agreed and decided to dissolve their relationship.

Charlotte, North Carolina Divorce Advice – Relationships with Former In-Laws

Published on: May 3, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article in the New York Times, divorce couples face a tricky issue that they may never have expected when beginning the process of separating from their significant other: grandparents. Most parents want them involved in their children’s lives but it can be complicated given hurt feelings on both sides.

If the divorce was civil and no one was at fault things might be fairly simple, but what if things didn’t go so swimmingly? The goal for parents should be keeping the grandparents in the family regardless of the parents’ differences. The following suggestions can help ease a difficult transition:

1. Figure out your own relationship with your ex’s parents.

What’s your relationship with your former spouse’s parents? Do you visits with them? If you’re comfortable, go for it. Coffee, e-mails, texts are great. If you’re not, now’s a good time to practice being civil. Don’t let whatever emotions you might have towards your husband spill over to the rest of his family.

2. Keep the lines of communication open.

One thing parents can do is make it clear to the grandparents that they have full access to the grandkids no matter what is going on between husband and wife. Make yourself available to the other side of the family, they might be worried about you cutting off contact and an olive branch can go along way to making everyone relax.

3. Issue invitations.

Ideally it would be good for the ex-spouse to take the lead in making certain that his or her parents were invited to graduations, to concerts, to school functions, etc., but if he or she doesn’t, do it anyway. Another good bit of advice is not to limit time with the paternal grandparents to when the kids are with their dad and vice versa for the maternal grandparents.

4. Be aware of the kids’ needs.

Sometimes having everyone gathered at the same time for holidays and family events isn’t what’s best for the kids. Many children won’t want to have their worlds collide with new spouses mixing with their parents and grandparents. If that’s the case, try for more visits under different circumstances. Better to have them spend time one-on-one and have the time be meaningful than put on a show that makes everyone uncomfortable.

Charlotte, NC Divorce Advice – Tips Your Spouse May Be Hiding Money (According to The Huffington Post)

Published on: May 1, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A recent article in the Huffington Post discusses clues that should set off alarm bells about whether one spouse is hiding money in preparation for a divorce.

People have special motivation to hide income and assets during a divorce in an attempt to avoid paying higher child support or alimony. One positive note is that hidden income can always be uncovered and the spouse who’s been kept out of the loop can eventually reclaim his or her rightful share.

If you’re afraid that your spouse may be hiding money consult with an experienced alimony lawyer in Charlotte, North Carolina to make sure that a search would be worth your time and expense. After all, forensic accountants can be quite costly so you’ll have to weigh whether the amount is worth chasing after.

Some important warning signs to watch for include the following:

1. If your spouse is self-employed and more knowledgeable about the family finances than you are and has expressed strong feelings about not involving lawyers or financial planners in your divorce.

2. Compare your lifestyle with your reported income. If there is a mismatch, further investigation is likely needed.

3. Look at the ratio of living expenses to income. If a mortgage payment is 75 percent of the reported income, it’s a good bet that there is hidden income floating around somewhere.

4. Pay attention to whether a business owner has multiple tax entities that do not seem to be necessary.

5. Are there any unusual business expenses? If a business is showing expenses that have nothing to do with the work they do it might be time to more fully analyze the books.

North Carolina Divorce Advice – How to Financially Prepare (According to Fox Business)

Published on: April 26, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Divorce is a difficult process, emotionally and financially. Before you blindly step into the mess, there are steps you can take to empower yourself by getting your finances in order. Taking the following steps can help make things run more smoothly and even lower your eventual legal bills by being ready for what’s to come. According to a recent FoxBusiness article, the following five tips are some that every soon-to-be-divorced couple should pay attention to for help making it through the process:

1. Evaluate your assets
The house is the biggest asset that most couples possess but there are still usually many more that qualify as marital assets that will need to be divided. People often forget about pensions from past jobs or stock options and deferred compensation plans. Such assets have values that are paid out in the future, not always simple divisions today.

2. Weigh your debt
To begin, prepare a summary of the last 12 months of all credit card and utility bills as well as personal and jointly held loans. Such a history will help you decide who should take on which debts. It’s important not to take on responsibility for debt associated with property you don’t control. For instance, if you are responsible for paying the car loan, you should be the one driving the car. This helps eliminate a lot risk and being liable for the actions of a soon-to-be former spouse.

3. Run a credit check and history
Everyone should conduct an annual credit check with all three agencies. Knowing where your credit stands prior to divorce can help prevent headaches down the line. It’s possible that you’ll discover a credit card or line of credit that you never knew existed, correcting inaccuracies (or preventing fraud) is important.

4. Track how much you spend
Taking stock of your spending habits and creating a realistic budget for your post-divorce life is crucial. Understanding that your old income will now be used to support two households is important. The same amount of money is now going to pay two rents or two mortgage payments, thus lifestyle adjustments will need to be made. People often underestimate how much they spend and putting everything down on paper forces couples to face the hard truth.

North Carolina Constitutional Amendment to Ban Gay Marriage

Published on: April 24, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A recent CBS News article discussed the decision by North Carolina voters to change the North Carolina state constitution this week to ban gay marriage. The law of the land now reads that the only legally valid domestic partnership in the state is marriage between a man and a woman. The constitutional amendment received broad support, passing 61% to 39%, and made the state the 29th to institute such a ban.

To some the amendment seemed unnecessary given that the state already had a gay marriage ban in place. The new amendment makes it even more difficult for lawmakers to ever attempt to change the law. It also goes further than the previous ban by preventing North Carolina local governments from extending health benefits to the domestic partners of their employees.

The lead up to the vote saw public pleas from Bill Clinton and President Obama. Supporters of gay marriage out-raised and out-advertised their opponents in the lead up to the vote, emphasizing in TV ads that the amendment could also even have repercussions for unmarried straight couples because of its vague language. The anti-amendment coalition raised more than $2 million. The pro-amendment crowd on the other hand, known as Vote for Marriage NC, raised a little more than $1 million.

Unfortunately only 46% of voters realized that the amendment would ban civil unions for gay couples as well as marriage. A recent poll by Public Policy Polling indicated that a majority of North Carolina voters support civil unions, a bit of contradiction given the results of the recent amendment fight.

North Carolina is far from the only state facing such issues. Minnesota faces a ballot gay marriage ban in November, as does Maine. On the other side of the dispute are states like Maryland and Washington who passed laws legalizing same-sex marriage. New Jersey recently did the same but found the measure vetoed by Republican Governor Chris Christie.

The recent passage has already lead to a few disputes. A lesbian who attempted to get a marriage license with her partner and was rejected was arrested with another person just yesterday after they refused to leave a government office. The protest was planned by the gay rights group Campaign for Southern Equality and was meant to broaden public support to allow same-sex marriage.

Tips for a Better Divorce in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 19, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to recent article in Psychology Today, while divorce may be ugly for some it does not have to be that way. For many reasons splitting up happens because two people simply weren’t meant to be married. If you’re trying to find ways to be good to your ex during your divorce follow some of these steps to help keep the peace:

1. Don’t try to be friends too soon.

You’ll both need time to heal and recalibrate following a divorce and making sure that you both have a safe distance from one another will allow you to do that on your own schedule. If your relationship is going to have any chance at becoming something new and healthy that allows you to be friends and strong parenting partners, you have to let it all go first. It may feel lousy and lonely for a while but it’s the best way to move forward.

2. Write everything down
Do not assume either of you will remember or abide by the agreement no matter how friendly things are initially. Get everything down in writing so nobody is tempted to ‘forget.’ When it comes to issues of money and parenting, the more details the better. The more that’s clear the less room there will be for fights later on.

3. Outline clear and effective consequences
Agree on what happens if one person does not follow the agreement or somehow does not follow through with their promises. Like with parenting, you need to know what happens to those who break the rules.

4. Resist old patterns
Part of the relief of divorce is you are no longer responsible for your partner’s multitude of issues. The same goes for them. You both are released from one another so be released. Resist the temptation to give or seek old patterns of support.

Divorce Advice for Befriending your Ex

Published on: April 17, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

The old saying is “keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” It’s really easy when meeting your new love’s former spouse to have thoughts turn negative. And while it’s true that some are every bit as evil as you may want to believe, exes don’t always have to be bad news. Contrary to popular belief, there are situations where an ex can be strictly friends or just a helpful co-parent. With that in mind, follow these rules from Match.com to help manage an ex in your life.

1. Set the right tone and be friendly
It’s true what they say; you usually get what you expect from people. If you’re already expecting the wicked witch and treat the ex as such that’s likely what you’ll get. Even if the ex had good intentions your negativity could turn her away.

2. Find common interests the two of you share
You might find that after getting to know the ex that you actually have lots in common (besides your current partner of course). Avoiding over sharing (which we’ll discuss later) and the two of you might be able to get along swimmingly.

3. Never discuss your current relationship issues
As we mentioned above too much information can be a danger of hanging out with an ex. In order to be friendly with your current partner’s ex you MUST leave the personal details of your current relationship out of it. Not only will telling too much invite a third person into your relationship, but it can poison the remaining good feelings between the recently broken up parties.

4. Watch feelings of jealousy
Trust is obviously an important ingredient to any relationship, but when it comes to exes who are still in the picture, it’s essential. Dealing with someone who knew him before you did (and probably knows things about him that you have yet to discover) can be unnerving, to say the least. The fear that they might get back together can lurk beneath the surface but is ultimately destructive not just to your possible friendship but even to your relationship. Constant worrying can create problems that may not have existed in their absence.

What to do if You are Facing Divorce (According to the Huffington Post)

Published on: April 12, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article on the HuffingtonPost.com, the following steps should be taken if you see a divorce occurring in the not too distant future. These important actions can protect yourself and your future.

1. Go see an experienced North Carolina family law attorney

Many people wait too long before seeking legal advice about an impending divorce. There are things that you could be doing to protect your assets and help ensure a better outcome in the event you do have to go to trial.

2. Gather financial information and put the documents in a safe place
When you decide to get a divorce there’s a chance that money or information has been hidden. An important first step is to make copies of all the records you can get your hands on and photograph any valuable personal property. Collectibles can disappear in the heat of a nasty divorce and proof is often hard to come by. A record of all of these assets should be kept away from your home in a safe deposit box or with a friend.

3. Don’t try to hide money
Most people who try to hide assets from a spouse aren’t very good at it. If you’re caught doing so the judge may decide to rule harshly against your bad behavior or may be more inclined to believe you’ve done more that you just weren’t caught doing. Judges have a great deal of discretion in divorce cases and you always want to appear to be the “good spouse” in the judge’s eyes.

4. Don’t trash your spouse to others, especially the kids
Though it’s easy to do, it’s important for the sake of the children not to attack the other parent during a tough divorce. The same is true of mutual friends, it’s best to follow the old advice that if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing at all. While you may win over the kids in the short-term they will eventually see through the anger of your remarks and may sympathize with the other parent.

Virtual Child Visitation brings North Carolina Parents and Children Together

Published on: April 10, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A recent article in the Washington Times discussed the not uncommon occurrence following divorce is one parent moving out of the city or even state. New job opportunities, family times or new relationships can cause one parent to need to relocate. When kids are involved this can cause problems and much stress for parents and children as they worry about a strained relationship developing as a result of distance.

According to a report for the National Center for State Courts, an estimated 18 million children have separated or divorced parents, and an additional 17 million more children have parents who have never been married. One out of four of these children have a parent living in a different city. Within four years after separation or divorce, 75% of mothers will relocate at least once, and of that number over half will do so a second time. As a result, close to 10 million children do not have regular face-to-face interaction with one of their parents.

Technology has now provided an option that did not exist before. Parents can now stay in touch with their children and avoid losing that close relationship thanks to email, texting, Facebook and video conferencing systems such as Skype. This new trend of “virtual visitation” can make long-distance parenting much easier for both parent and child.

The term “virtual visitation” has a very specific meaning under the law and refers to the rights of a non-custodial parent to have electronic communication with their children. Since the early 1990s when the first cases arose concerning the issue many states have enacted provisions concerning the subject. Utah enacted the first electronic visitation law; Illinois was the most recent state where virtual visitation became law in 2010. So far six states have laws on the books covering “virtual” or “electronic” visitation rights including North Carolina: Florida, Texas and Wisconsin are the other three. Twenty-two other states have their own efforts underway to add similar laws to their books.