Therapist lists Do’s and Don’ts for couples with children going through divorce

Matthew R. Arnold of Arnold & Smith, PLLC answers the question “What can I do to gain custody of my child in North Carolina?”


Finding advice on divorce is like finding advice on dieting or exercise: it is everywhere. Whether you through an expert’s “ten tips,” another expert’s “twenty rules,” or another expert’s one-hundred one-word divorce descriptors, both the divorce process and processing all the divorce advice one is bound to receive can prove taxing.

Broken Heart Charlotte Divorce Attorney North Carolina Child custody LawyerA west-Texas counselor and therapist has made it easy for those contemplating or going through divorce, publishing in the San Angelo Standard a list of “Do’s” and a list of “Don’ts” for those who desire as “mindful a transition as possible.”

The therapist—Adrianne Albarado Ortiz—focuses her practice on children, many of whom experience emotional trauma as a result of their parents’ divorce. As far as “Don’ts,” Ms. Ortiz encourages couples with children not to seek to sabotage their children’s relationship with their spouse or exes by using malicious words against the other parent. Ms. Ortiz said this could actually backfire “and cause the child to generate resentment” towards the parent who is seeking to undermine the other parent.

The focus throughout a divorce process, Ortiz said, should be on the well-being of children involved. That means parents should never use their children as pawns to seek to gain the upper hand in divorce disputes. Ortiz said divorcing parents should never seek to obtain information from children about the other parent, and should not ask their children to choose sides when it comes to scheduling conflicts.

Instead, Ortiz said, conflicts should be avoided or worked out ahead of time or when children are absent. In that, Ortiz stresses, “communication between parents is the foundation of a healthy divorce.” The ability to communicate and act maturely will prevent children from suffering any feelings of awkwardness when both parents are present at events.

By their nature, Ortiz said, children can sometimes seek to “test boundaries and attempt to manipulate situations.” For that reason, if a child does accuse one parent of saying or doing something out of line, it is important for an aggrieved parent not to jump to conclusions and to discuss the situation before affixing blame.

One of the most common sources of consternation for divorcing parents is the intentional or unintentional withholding of information about children. Ortiz encourages parents to keep each other informed about children’s events, including birthday parties, doctor appointments, teacher meetings and sports events. Keeping each other informed will prevent any unwelcome surprises and hurt feelings.

Finally, Ortiz said, creating a detailed parenting agreement can help parties deal with parenting issues as they arise. These agreements can be developed with the assistance of legal counsel if desired. If parties have trouble following them or trouble getting along in general, Ortiz said, they should seek out the help of a family counselor who can help them work out their differences.

If you find yourself facing a complicated family law matter, then you need the help of experienced family-law attorneys in Charlotte, North Carolina who can help guide you through the often confusing process of divorce. Please contact the experienced family-law attorneys at Arnold & Smith, PLLC in Charlotte, North Carolina today at (704) 370-2828 or find additional resources here.



About the Author

ARNOLD&SMITH_243 3.jpgMatthew Arnold is a Managing Member of Arnold & Smith, PLLC, where he focuses on the areas of family law, divorce, child custody, child support, alimony and equitable distribution.

Mr. Arnold was raised in Charlotte, where he graduated from Providence Senior High School. He attended Belmont Abbey College, where he graduated cum laude, before attending law school at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill on a full academic scholarship.

A certified Family-Law Specialist, Mr. Arnold is admitted to practice in all state and administrative courts in North Carolina, before the United States District Court for the Western District of North Carolina, and before the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals in Richmond, Virginia.

In his free time, Mr. Arnold enjoys golfing and spending time with his wife and three children.






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