Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Blog

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?"

In our continuing saga of posts based on the Yahoo piece by Ronnie Tyler about seven important reasons to end a bad relationship, we have now reached the fourth piece of advice. The first reason Tyler offered up to consider getting out of a bad marriage is because you deserve better. The second is that your children deserve better. Three was because your spouse won't change (at least not in the time that you want them to). Now for number four: because someone has to take the first step.

The conventional wisdom when it comes to relationship advice is that it takes two to tango. People always say that it takes both partners working together to make a relationship work. Marriage counselors say no one spouse can shoulder all the burden of making a marriage healthy and loving. While Tyler agrees that this is usually the case, it is mainly valuable advice for those trying to make a relationship work, not those facing problems.

In the case of couples facing an impasse, the actions of one spouse may be just the trick to get a couple out of a rut and a relationship either back on track or headed for divorce. After all, there is no guarantee that both parties will be on the same page at the same time or that the problems that are bothering one spouse will also be a concern to the other. Rather than sit around and wait for your partner to be bothered by the same thing, it can be a good thing to take action on your own and give your spouse a chance to catch up.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "How long does getting a divorce take?"

In our continuing series of articles based on the piece by Ronnie Tyler about seven important reasons to end a bad relationship, we have now reached the third bit of advice. The first reason Tyler gives to consider getting out of a bad marriage is because you deserve better. The second is that your children deserve better. Now for number three: because your spouse won't change (at least not in the time that you want them to).

This third reason can be a very difficult one for some people to come to grips with. This is especially the case for Type A individuals who are used to exerting control over their lives and those around them. You might think that if you just nag your spouse long enough or insist that some behaviors change then they will finally cave and decide to shape up.

Sadly, that is seldom the case. By the time most people reach marrying age, they have begun to find out who they are and, more importantly, who they are not. Personality habits begin to become deeply ingrained and it can be difficult if not impossible to make wholesale changes in behavior. Though small shifts are always possible, the fact is overnight miracles are seldom ever seen.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "How long does getting a divorce take?"

This blog continues our series of posts discussing a recent Yahoo article about reasons to get out of bad marriage.

In the first article, we mentioned the first reason given by Ronnie Tyler, the author of the piece. We discussed how a desire for happiness and a recognition that you deserve better might be a reason to either divorce or make serious changes to a relationship.

This week, the second reason given by Tyler to get out of a bad relationship is because your children deserve better. Though you deserving a happy and fulfilled marriage should be enough of a reason to make a change, many people find it easy to put their own needs last. However, those with children understand how important the parental desire to protect your offspring truly is.

Tyler says that though some people may not have the strength to get out of a bad relationship for themselves, the hope is that they would be able to make the change for their children. Tyler says that parents should consider how the bad relationship might negatively affect the kids. For instance, the fighting and name-calling can send bad messages to impressionable children about what qualifies as a "healthy" relationship. In cases where more serious problems exist, such as infidelity or abuse, getting out becomes essential to shielding your children from a potentially destructive parent.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?"

Yahoo recently featured an article discussing a list of seven reasons why couple should go ahead and get out of a bad marriage now. The article is thought provoking and raises a lot of important questions that couples in the midst of a bad relationship should grapple with when deciding what to do about their marriage.

Though some commenters were irritated that the article was flippant or possibly insensitive, that was not the intention. Instead, the author, Ronnie Tyler, said that the piece was designed to challenge unhappy couples, highlighting serious issues that people should consider when deciding what to do about their relationship. The author of the piece said that the idea for the article came out a concern that her friends and family not stay in miserable relationships out of fear of trying something new. Everyone deserves to not only survive, but thrive, and being saddled with an unhappy relationship is one way to endure long-term suffering.

The author also explained that when she lists the seven reasons to get out of a bad relationship, that she does not necessarily mean divorce. Though for some divorce might be the best option, for others "getting out" is just an instruction to make serious life changes that alter the trajectory of your relationship. This could be the kind of shake up that you have been considering for years, but never had the courage to insist on.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "How long does getting a divorce take?"

Though almost all couples exchange vows promising they will remain together 'til death do us part, many assume that divorce ends the eternal commitment. Sadly, in a number of states where permanent alimony laws remain on the books that is simply not the case.

A recent survey by US News and World Report found that permanent alimony laws still exist in several states, including New Jersey, Oregon, Vermont, Connecticut, West Virginia, Florida and right here in North Carolina. Thankfully a number of those states, including New Jersey and Florida, are currently considering some much needed alimony reform.

In fact, the Florida Senate recently passed a measure backed by the group known as Floridians for Alimony Reform, which would end permanent alimony. The measure not only ends the practice of permanent alimony, but would also allow for long divorced couples to reopen their divorce settlements and change long established financial arrangements.

The measure, which passed last month by wide margins, puts a cap on the amount of alimony that can be paid based on a person's income. It also would allow the spouse paying the support to file a petition with a court to terminate or lower alimony payments when the paying spouse reaches retirement age. The law also includes protection in some exceptional cases where the spouse receiving the alimony is not able to support themselves due to some serious handicaps.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?"

A hostile divorce in Montana resulted in a man losing touch with his beloved bird, a macaw, for more than five years. Thankfully, the two were reunited recently thanks to a friend with a good eye.

The ordeal began when the man, Mike Taylor, and his wife went through an especially nasty divorce several years ago. In the divorce, Taylor's wife won control over their pet bird, Love Love. After the settlement was done, his wife decided to sell the bird, devastating Taylor who had always been fond of his 25-year-old pet.

A friend of Taylor's was recently visiting a bird sanctuary in the state when he thought one of the birds seemed oddly familiar. The friend had to cajole Taylor to come see for himself, but once he did he knew it was his Love Love. Taylor then had to try and convince the owner of the sanctuary to let him get his bird back, but after revealing several oddly specific facts about the bird, including his blindness in one eye, the owner decided Taylor was telling the truth.

The sanctuary initially took possession of Love Love after another woman sought to give the bird away after the bird bit her so hard that she required medical attention. Love Love has not been aggressive with Taylor and seems to have settled back into his old routines.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "How long does getting a divorce take?"

This post is a continuation of our last article walking through some important questions that couples should ask themselves before settling on divorce. The following are some more tough issues to consider while weighing the decision of seeking a separation or choosing to divorce.

The next issue raised in the Yahoo article is to ask yourself how a separation might affect your children. While you might like to have a trial period to think over the marriage, it's important to consider how your children will view the news. Some kids might be given false hope about their parents reconciling while others might get the wrong message about what kinds of behavior is acceptable in a relationship.

Experts also recommend considering whether you or your spouse will require health insurance. Though the issue may seem boring and practical, practicality has its place in such matters. If one party has extensive pre-existing medical conditions or lacks insurance of their own, a trial separation might be the best way to ease into a new life apart, giving each party time to make arrangements. A full divorce would pull the rug out from under the sick party and a separation might be the best way to handle the transition.

Another practical matter that should be considered is whether one party is accumulating significant assets. If you are the spouse making a lot of money or are owed a big bonus in the not so distant future, you might be inclined to push for divorce to create a cut-off point and separate your finances. If, on the other hand, your spouse is due for a big raise or bonus, it likely makes financial sense to consider a separation and ensure you are entitled to a share of those assets.

Continue reading "Divorce Or Separation? Part Two :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina" »

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?"

If you are unhappy in your marriage and are contemplating calling it quits, chances are things have been bad for a while. No one wants to rush into something as serious and final as divorce. Ending a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions most people will ever face, which is why it is crucial to feel confident that you have made the right choice.

For some people divorce is clearly the best option. If the fighting has gotten out of hand with no hope of easing tensions and the stress has started to negatively impact your children, divorce is likely the right move. In other cases, the distance that a separation brings might be all that you need to get your marriage back on a sound footing. Yahoo put together a list of some of the following questions to ask before making the decision to divorce.

First, are you both ready to leave or is the unhappiness with only one party? This question is important because in cases where only one spouse is unhappy, a separation can often be a good idea. For one thing, a separation allows the unhappy spouse to have some space and really think through their decision. For another, it gives the other party time to come to grips with the idea of divorcing. If both parties want out, and are sure of it, then that might be a reason to consider divorcing since you are both already on the same page.

Continue reading "Divorce Or Separation? Part One :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina" »

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "How long does getting a divorce take?"

The ongoing battle between Kim Kardashian and her husband of only 72 days, Kris Humphries, just took another important twist as the pregnant Ms. Kardashian scored an important victory in her case against Humphries.

The issue revolved around Humphries' demand for access to emails from Ms. Kardashian. The judge presiding over the case denied Humphries' request for access to emails sent from some closed email accounts. Humphries wanted access to the messages to comb for possible statements that might prove the marriage was a fraud from the beginning designed to get ratings.

The latest issue followed Humphries decision to ignore a mandatory settlement conference ordered by the judge that was meant to take place last Friday. Both Humphries and Kim were told to personally attend, but when the day of the conference arrived Humprhies was nowhere to be found. His decision to ignore the court order prompted harsh remarks from the judge.

The judge spoke from the bench about how Humphries had made a mockery of the entire court system by not appearing at the required settlement conference. The judge chastised the 28-year-old professional basketball player for wasting the court's valuable time.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?"

In a potentially important shift, the North Carolina General Assembly is currently reviewing a bill proposed by State Senator Clodfelter that could drastically alter child custody arrangements in the state. The measure, Senate Bill 610, would amend the current laws regarding child custody arrangements and presumptions of custody following a divorce.

Specifically, the measure has been written to create a presumption of shared custody and responsibility between divorcing parents. The measure says that ought to be the policy of the State to encourage joint parenting arrangements and to reduce what it refers to as "needless litigation over child custody matters." To help facilitate these joint parenting arrangements, the law will encourage parents to take responsibility for their children by creating a new expectation that parenthood will be an ongoing responsibility for both parties, even in the face of divorce.

The measure seeks to encourage both parents to share the responsibilities of raising a child, even after a marriage has dissolved. To accomplish this, SB 610 will now create a legal presumption of shared responsibility. The measure defines this as meaning that each parent will share "as close as possible to an equal amount of time with the child." The legislation does not stop there, but instead specifies an exact amount of time that non-custodial parents should expect to spend with their children. The law says that this figure shall not be less than 35 percent of the amount of time with the child.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "How long does getting a divorce take?"

Late last month, legislators in North Carolina took an unusual step to impose a two-year waiting period on divorce. The decision caused a stir not only in North Carolina, but across the country with articles laughably discussing the legislature's move to meddle in marriages. Beyond imposing a two-year waiting period before a divorce can be granted, the bill, Senate Bill 518, would also require that couples who are considering divorce go through marriage counseling before the judge can officially sign off on the dissolution of the marriage.

The act, knowing as The Healthy Marriage Act, has been designed to strengthen the institution of marriage according to its Republican supporters in the state legislature. The measure would replace the current one-year separation that is in place before a couple can officially receive a divorce. The Act says that couples would be permitted to either live together or apart during the waiting period, with cohabitation not preventing the clock from ticking.

The legislation specifically states that before a divorce can take place, one spouse would have to submit a written notice to the other spouse notifying the other party about his or her intention to file for divorce. This would then begin the two-year countdown. During this interim period, the couple would be required to take classes about bettering their communication skills and improving their conflict resolution abilities. The Healthy Marriage Act does not require that the couple attend the classes together; each can take the courses on his or her own. If the couple has children there are even more hurdles that must be jumped through, including a four-hour course that discusses the impact of divorce on children.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?"

A lawyer for the transgender Arizona man who gave birth to three of his children after changing sex legally from female to male has been denied a divorce by a judge. Thomas Beatie had his divorce petition denied by the Arizona judge who said that the state laws do not recognize that his marriage ever occurred and thus do not allow him to grant a divorce. The judge said that the marriage is a same sex marriage, despite the currently different legal genders of the couple.

Beatie has announced that he intends to appeal the decision. David Cantor, Beatie's divorce attorney, has said that he thinks the judge has discriminated against Beatie because of his unconventional lifestyle and allowed Beatie's three pregnancies to impact his decision to grant a divorce. Cantor says an appeal will be filed shortly before the Arizona Supreme Court.

Beatie married his wife, Nancy, nine years ago in Hawaii. At the time of the marriage, Beatie had legally changed his sex from female to male and had a document proving this. The documents identified him as a male and revealed that he had taken some surgical steps to begin his transition into being a man.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?"

Everyone knows that spring break can be hectic, even for happily married families. Now throw in a divorce, hurt feelings, several children, parenting plans, two different houses and multiple schedules and you've got a recipe for disaster. In the best of cases planning for vacation and making sure everyone gets something that they want is tough. The way to ensure that things stay as civil as possible is to plan early and plan often.

The very first thing that divorcing couples can do to make spring break (and all similar vacations) easier, is to begin thinking about them during the divorce itself. Though you will likely have many other things on your mind, make sure that you and your attorney sit down to discuss the issue of vacations before the parenting plan is finalized. Work the language out now, including all the particulars, to avoid trouble later on. Though it can seem tedious to carefully lay out things like whether a vacation begins on a Friday after school lets out or whether it starts the following Monday morning, that level of specificity is essential to avoiding trouble down the road. It is important to remember that there are no right or wrong answers; any arrangement is fine so long as it works for you and your former spouse.

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Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: "How long does getting a divorce take?"

There is talk that a currently pending divorce involving Oklahoma oil mogul Harold Hamm and his second wife, Sue Ann Hamm, could be the largest divorce settlement in history. Just how much Sue Ann stands to walk away with depends on how much of Hamm's oil company shares Sue Ann is able to lay claim to.

Hamm appeared on the recent Forbes list of the world's wealthiest people with an estimated $11.3 billion net worth. The reason for Hamm's wealth is his ownership in the oil company Continental Resources, a major player in the currently booming oil production out of North Dakota.

Hamm's story is one common among entrepreneurs, beginning at the bottom and working his way to the top. Hamm started work at 20, scrubbing old oil barrels in Oklahoma. He grew in his job and learned new tasks, eventually scraping together enough money to start Continental in 1967, several decades before he married Sue Ann.

Hamm struck gold (black gold, that is) in the 1990s when he discovered the Bakken oil field of North Dakota, the largest oil field in the U.S. to have been discovered since the 1960s. The discovery sparked a surge in U.S. oil production, with Continental leading the way. The company has made millions by introducing the practice known as fracking, which helps extract oil from soil that was previously too hard to access. Today the Bakken makes up about 10% of total American oil output, with Continental holding on to a large slice of the pie.

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Apparently in China the new thing to do is to get divorced. Filings in the country have exploded in recent weeks according to various reports. The reason is an odd one. It's not the obvious answer, that mass numbers of Chinese people have simultaneously grown tired of their spouses. Instead, it has to do with real estate.

The Chinese government recently implemented a new tax on real estate sales, which contains an important loophole. The provision says that those people who are separated from their spouse can avoid paying the new tax.

The move to tax real estate sales is an attempt by the Chinese government to reign in their wild real estate market, which many international observers believe is headed for a bust. Property prices have skyrocketed across the country, but especially in the booming coastal cities of Beijing and Shanghai. To help avoid the painful bursting of a property bubble, the government is trying to use a tax to lower people's enthusiasm for purchasing real estate.

The law applies a whopping 20 percent capital gains tax to the sale of any second homes. It didn't take long for Chinese couples to figure out that if they divorced, they could each act as if they only had one home. By appearing to only own one house, the couple could sell the second property and avoid the 20 percent tax. After the sale of the house is finalized, all the couples have to do is get remarried.

According to the Shanghai Daily, one marriage registration center in the Zhabei District of Shanghai saw a record 53 divorces last week. The previous high was 40. In another district, 250 cases were filed as opposed to a typical 60 or 70. In the Changning District, divorce figures have reportedly jumped by 30 percent in only the last few weeks.

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