Divorce

Cohabitating North Carolina Couples Not More at Risk for Divorce

Published on: March 15, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article in the Christian Science Monitor, nearly half of all first marriages break up within 20 years. Some people attempt to beat the odds by testing out their relationship by living together prior to marriage. But does that actual help things or only speed along the relationship’s inevitable demise?

A new study, part of a larger marriage survey of 22,000 men and women, suggests that living together is not the kiss of death it once was thought to be. In years past, living together was a good signal regarding the poor health of an eventual relationship. The study author said that now living together prior to marriage is not as big of predictor of divorce as it used to be.

The trend towards cohabitation has been on the rise for decades. In the 1960s only about 10% of couples moved in together first. Among those they were more likely to end up divorced. Today, about 60% of couples live together before they first marry.

“It’s so common, it’s not surprising it no longer negatively affects marital stability,” said Wendy Manning, co-director of the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.

The recent study by the Centers for Disease Control happily found that those who were engaged and living together before their wedding were about as likely to have marriages that lasted 15 years as couples who had not lived together prior to marriage.

But how about those who were living together but weren’t engaged? The new study found that marriage was less likely to survive the 10 and 15-year mark among this subgroup. These findings echoed studies from years past.

Use Caution in Post-Divorce Dating

Published on: March 6, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article appearing on Yahoo.com, people emerging from a divorce may not find much luck in the dating department immediately thereafter. Though for some who had to go years without any new romance this is not only normal, it’s also healthier than a rebound relationship.

New York psychologist Leah Klungness, Ph.D. and co-author of The Complete Single Mother, says that while a divorcee may be experiencing pain and confusion following a divorce, it’s better to go through that then to numb yourself with an instant attempt to date. The distraction actually makes the healing process take longer.

As the single time drags on you may want to figure out why you’re dateless. Usually there are two main reasons for a post-divorce dating drought.

1. You’re not ready to date yet
You may feel lonely, your friends and family may try to set you up with someone but that does not mean you’re actually ready to date again. “Emotional preparedness for dating doesn’t happen magically because the final papers have been signed,” says Dr. Klungness. “Anger, bitterness, thoughts about betrayal and infidelity can linger. If these feelings aren’t worked through, they quickly surface, even in casual dating situations, and can sabotage any chance of romance.”

The best rule of thumb according to Dr. Klungness is that, “When the thought of dating starts with an ‘I should’ instead of an ‘I want,’ it’s a red flag.” Rather than rush into something you’re not really ready for, regrouping and giving yourself time to heal is the best plan. Use the time to do the things you love, concentrate on yourself and put yourself first for once.

One sign that you may be ready to date is when people start to genuinely look attractive to you. “Repeated instances of being attracted to different people suggests the authenticity of your feelings,” explains Jerald Jellison, Ph.D., author of Managing the Dynamics of Change. According to Dr. Jellison, when you’re attracted enough to consider spending time with five different people you should be ready to begin dating again.

Study says Divorce at a Young Age Hurts Worst

Published on: February 2, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A new Michigan State University study finds divorce at a younger age hurts people’s health more than divorce later in life. Study author and sociology professor Dr. Hui Liu said the findings, published in the journal Social Science & Medicine, suggest older people have more coping skills to deal with the incredible stress that results from a divorce.

Liu said the findings indicate that there ought to be “more social and family support for the younger divorced groups.” Liu suggested that this might include “divorce counseling to help people handle the stress, or offering marital therapy or prevention programs to maintain marital satisfaction.”

Liu analyzed the self-reported health status of some 1,282 participants in a long-term national survey. She measured the gap in overall health between those who remained married during the 15-year study period and those who transitioned from marriage to divorce and at what age.

Liu found the gap was wider at younger ages. For example, among people born in the 1950s, those who got divorced between the ages of 35 and 41 reported more health problems in relation to their continuously married counterparts than those who got divorced in the 44 to 50 age range. Researchers were surprised to learn that divorce appears to have a more negative health impact for baby boomers than for individuals in older generations. Liu said she would have expected divorce to be less impactful for younger generations because divorce is so much more common among their age cohorts.

Liu offered an explanation for the difference. Perhaps because the pressure to stay married is so strong among older generations only those with the unhappiest marriages actually moved for divorce and thus, felt relief when the divorce was finalized.

The study confirmed something we mentioned in a previous post (Divorce Can Kill), that those who went from marriage to divorce experienced a generally more rapid health decline than those who remained married. It’s good to hear that those who remained divorced during the entire study period showed no difference with those who remained married.

Understanding the Importance of a Prenuptial Agreement in North Carolina

Published on: January 31, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Though most people would agree that marriage is a big step, representing a major life change, very few people understand the magnitude of the decision both legally and financially. People forget that marriage is, after all, a contract entered into by two people and it entails many of the same pitfalls as any other contractual relationship.

One of the things that many people may not realize is that even if one spouse contributes disproportionately more assets or income to the marital partnership, all of the assets likely eventually become merged into one marital pie where the lesser contributing spouse is entitled to half. This means one spouse could possibly walk away with a disproportionately larger share of the assets than they contributed. When couples agree to marry they typically are agreeing to relinquish half of your accumulated assets, something most newlyweds seldom think about. Some couples, likely those who marry young, may not have any appreciable assets. So, it may not be such a concern for them. However, those who have accumulated assets should give careful consideration to the business aspect of their marriage.

People take a business-like approach to other major events with potentially important financial implications like buying a house or a car. Yet when it comes to marriage, rarely is research conducted or fine print examined. A prenuptial agreement is an obvious way to protect yourself and watch out for both parties’ financial wellbeing. However, many people dismiss the idea as either being a sign of lack of genuine affection or as something only used by the ultra-wealthy. Neither is true.

A recent poll by Harris Interactive showed that when asked nearly half of divorced people said they wish they had a prenup when they married. Forty-four percent of single adults say they would want a prenup and yet only about 5% of couples actually go through with it. Why the disconnect?

Divorce and Social Security Benefits in North Carolina

Published on: January 24, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

For many elderly Americans Social Security benefits are a critical component of their retirement plan. If you’re a baby boomer in charge of monitoring your parents’ finances or a retiree you should be aware that under certain circumstances it’s possible you might be receiving less than you should. If a woman is divorced or has been married more than once, or a woman’s husband delayed taking Social Security, she might be entitled to a bigger monthly benefit than she is currently receiving. Though the difference may not be huge, it could be critically important to someone with a limited or fixed income.

Discussing the ramifications of divorce on Social Security payments is fairly standard practice nowadays. That wasn’t always the case, however, and many older couples might never have been counseled on the possible impact.

Though the problems are faced by both men and women, the fact that women typically earn less over their working lives means that they are more likely to be collecting less in benefits then they may be entitled to due to earnings of a former spouse. This is because of rules which say an individual is entitled to collect Social Security benefits based on his or her own earnings history, or 50% of his or her spouse or former spouse’s benefit, if it is greater than his or her own, and 100% if the former spouse is deceased.

There are a few rules in order for this to apply to divorced couples: 1) the marriage must have lasted 10 years or longer, and 2) the individual seeking a former spouse’s benefit must currently be unmarried, unless the second (or third, or fourth…) marriage occurred after the age of 60.

A great example of this is as follows: your parents were married in the 1950s, your dad worked hard and your mom worked hard raising kids and working part-time at relatively low paying jobs when time allowed. Your parents later divorced and your mom’s Social Security benefit is now $800 per month while your dad’s stands at $2,000 per month. Rather than continue collecting the $800, your mother is actually entitled to collect $1,000 per month if your dad is still alive and the full $2,000 if he is deceased. As an added benefit, if the Social Security Administration determines a spouse is eligible for increased benefits then that person will receive retroactive benefits going back six months. It does not matter whether the spouse with the higher benefit remarried and getting this increase does not require their cooperation. The Social Security Administration has all the necessary information and makes the determination based on its own records.

As Some States Slow Divorce, Others Kick It Into Gear

Published on: January 17, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

As we mentioned in a post last week (Some States Try to Slow Down Divorce), some states have made a move toward lengthening their divorce process in the name of looking out for the best interest of children. The Wall Street Journal reports that New Jersey is evidently not as concerned with such things. In fact, New Jersey is set to become the East Coast version of Vegas.

Legislation is currently sitting on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s desk which would turn this into a reality. The bill, if signed, would make it easier to get married in the state and would also expedite the process of getting a divorce.

The bill was passed by both houses of the New Jersey Legislature on Monday and would eliminate a mandatory 72-hour waiting period for a marriage or civil union license. The speed comes at a cost, however. The bill would see the cost of a marriage license rise to $60 from $28. Additionally, the bill would allow couples to annul a marriage within 30 days without the need to go to a court. Specific details on how the annulment process would function are still being hammered out. Currently, 29 states have no waiting period for a marriage license, but only two -Connecticut and Rhode Island – are in the Northeast.

The current rules in New Jersey require those who want an uncontested divorce to wait at least six months. The number is reduced to three months if the couple can demonstrate that the marriage is not working and that there has been fault.

The new bill has its fans and its detractors. Some believe it will bring more visitors to the state, increase revenue and be a generally positive change for New Jersey. Others say it cheapens the sanctity of marriage and will lead to increased family problems in the state.

Some States Try to Slow Down Divorce Process

Published on: January 12, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

If you want a divorce in Colorado, you might have to wait a bit longer than before. A new bill is heading to the state legislature for approval that seeks to add even more steps to the already complicated divorce process.

State Senator Kevin Lundberg is the primary backer of the legislation. The Republican says child safety is the reason behind instituting the bill. “When there are kids involved, I believe that it is in the states best interest to ensure that the couple understands and considers what impact this has on their children,” Lundberg said.

Lundberg’s bill would require couples to undergo a six-hour training session on how children are impacted by their parents calling it quits. Though current state law dictates that parents attend a similar session, it’s not nearly as in-depth.

Colorado attorney Catherine Burkey said, “When a case is initiated, then the people are ordered to go and attend a parenting class.” The primary difference with this new bill is that couples will now have to wait after completing the course. “There will be a period of months that they will wait before proceeding with the divorce,” Lundberg said.

Some divorce attorney’s agree that the proposed bill is a smart move. “This method of education is the best way that I know of at this point,” Burkey said. She anticipates that not everyone will be in favor of the bill, however.

Grand Junction Counseling, a group that specializes in helping families, says the more understanding parents have, the better. “Not only do you have the couple that’s going through this divorce, you have children going through a divorce. For the sake of the children I think it’s valuable,” Counselor, Stephen Anthony said.

Protecting Your Finances in a North Carolina Divorce

Published on: January 10, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Divorce is a process that can be mentally, emotionally and financially draining. While there’s not always much to be done about the mental and emotional pain, financial disaster can be mitigated with a little planning. The following are several tips by Angela Colley of BusinessInsider.com on how to prepare your money for a divorce.

1. Separate your bank accounts
Many couples preparing for a divorce will leave their joint checking accounts open, not wanting to appear spiteful. However, an irresponsible spouse might not be so considerate and could easily drain your joint account before you realize what has happened.

Establishing separate bank accounts and dealing with whatever uncomfortable conversation that might cause is better than taking the financial risk of inaction. The best advice would be take half the money from any joint account and place it in your own checking account.

2. Protect your credit
If you and your former spouse have joint credit accounts all the hard work you put into building a solid score can evaporate with a few bad financial decisions by your ex. Establishing separate credit and loan accounts is critical.

First things first, order an official copy of your credit report from all three credit reporting agencies: TransUnion, Experian, and Equifax. Review the reports carefully and flag any accounts you share with your spouse.

Though it may be uncomfortable, have a direct conversation with your spouse and decide who wants to keep what and how the accounts ought to be divided.

Actually dividing these debts isn’t so easy. You cannot just call a lender and ask to have your name removed if the obligation is joint. Instead, the debt must usually be repaid or refinanced in the name of only one spouse. If the spouse responsible for the debt isn’t capable of having it refinanced alone then selling the asset or paying off the bill is usually the best move. Signing over control of an asset while leaving your name on the loan is a recipe for disaster and should be avoided at all costs.

3. Check on your insurance coverage
If you’ve shared insurance coverage with your spouse you may now find yourself out in the cold during a divorce. Plan ahead and negotiate a specific time to change the insurance, giving yourself enough time to secure new coverage. Make sure that you have the necessary health, auto and homeowners (or rental) insurance.

The Benefits of Annulment in North Carolina

Published on: January 5, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

What’s the best way to avoid some of the time (and money) wasting fights that come along with divorce? Get an annulment instead. Unlike divorce, which acknowledges a marriage’s beginning and end, an annulment simply declares that the marriage never existed in the first place. “When a couple gets an annulment, it’s as if the marriage never existed to begin with,” says Kristin D. Hofheimer, a divorce attorney in Virginia Beach, Va.

Annulment can be great for your finances. The reason is that in an annulment, the courts do their best to restore the individuals to their original financial state prior to the marriage. So, what money and property you brought into the marriage is what you will walk away with, including any debt that came along with you. Anything that is joint, either assets or debts, are typically divided equally.

The problem is that qualifying for an annulment isn’t easy, and it’s not meant to be. In North Carolina, annulments are typically only allowed for the following narrow reasons:

1. Marriage between any two persons nearer in relationship than first cousins.
2. Marriage between double first cousins. Double first cousins occur when a set of brothers marries a set of sisters, or a brother and a sister marry another sister and brother, and they produce children. The children of these two marriages are double first cousins.

3. Marriage between a male person under 16 years of age and a female, with the exception of a court order as a result of a pregnancy when between the ages of 14 and 16.

4. Marriage between a female person under 16 years of age and a male, with the exception of a court order as a result of a pregnancy when between the ages of 14 and 16.

5. Marriage where either of the parties is physically impotent at the time of the marriage. Impotence must be permanent, incurable and medically diagnosed by a doctor.

6. Marriage between persons either of whom is, at the time of the marriage, incapable of contracting due to want of will or understanding is not automatically void
Couples who are in the process of getting an annulment and want to take action to protect their finances can typically approach joint debt in one of two ways:

1. Split the amount owed and each pay their share to take care of the debt.

2. One party can pay the entire debt and then sue the other party for half. If you’re trying to protect your credit, you may want to take care of the debt and let your ex reimburse you so you know an unpaid bill won’t end up bringing down your credit score, Hofheimer says.

Divorce Can Kill

Published on: January 3, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent report on HuffingtonPost.com, a new study entitled “Divorce and Death” appearing in “Psychological Science” shows that failed marriages can actually kill at the same rate as cigarette smoking or obesity.

The results of the study were shocking as the stark numbers showed that the risk of dying is a full 23% higher among those that have gone through a divorce than married people. Researchers were surprised as they did not believe life expectancy would be slashed to ages comparable with smokers, heavy drinkers, and the obese.

Study authors David Sbarra and Paul Nietert make sure to point out that the association between divorce and death “cannot be deemed causal.” They never intended to imply that the moment you sign divorce papers your life expectancy is slashed. Instead, the research indicates, “there is something uniquely difficult about remaining separated or divorced that accelerates time of death.”

It’s the cumulative strain of being a long-term single parent or the burden of a persistent conflict with an ex that causes the stress that can be a killer. Experts have long believed that interpersonal relationships and health are entangled in a complicated and confusing way. In a sad way, one spouse’s damaging personality trait – whether hostility or negativity – can be responsible both for killing the marriage and, in the long run, for killing the ex.

Ex-husbands are at significantly higher risk of a premature death than their ex-wives. The reason is that it appears wives help keep their husbands alive. Men generally die younger than women, but wives are de facto caregivers. Studies dating back as far as the 1970s have shown that without a woman around, a man’s health fails and he typically refuses to do much about it. Though technology and the ease of self-diagnosis have improved the situation, these are usually afterthoughts. Companionship with a nurturing woman is a built in prevention for sickness in old age.