Parenthood

Charlotte Divorcing Couples Should Watch What They Text

Published on: February 21, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to an article in the Chicago Tribune, North Carolina couples who are heading for divorce should be careful about texting because their heated words could be used against them later in court.

According to statistics from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML), many top divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a spike in the number of cases using evidence from cellphone text messages over the past several years as the prevalence of smartphones increases exponentially.

The rise in text message evidence becoming a part of divorce cases follows a rise noticed a few years ago by the AAML relating to evidence from Facebook messages. “With emails you can think about and rewrite them. There is a window of opportunity to rethink what you are saying but text messaging is immediate,” said Ken Altshuler, the president of the AAML. “We get a lot of text messages that people send out without thinking.”

Altshuler described text messages as “spontaneous venting” that often come back to haunt people. They’re very easy to write and distribute quickly but the implications can be far longer lasting. Text messages on your phone seen by others can also be mentioned and brought into divorce proceedings. Altshuler said, “I have used text messaging for cross examination.” He continued by mentioning that he had also submitted texts as evidence. “I would say in the last six months there have been a lot of text messages involved in litigation. For whatever reason, people are texting more and not thinking about what they are texting.”

According to the AAML survey text messages were simply the most commonly used form of electronic evidence derived from cellphones. Other information taken from smartphones include emails, phone numbers, call histories, GPS and Internet search histories. As such, North Carolina couples need to be careful with what information they have sitting around that may later be used against them.

Altshuler believes that the reason for the surge in text evidence is that people have their guards down because they mistakenly believe texting is safe, all because the messages aren’t easily printed out. This is a false sense of security, as the recent poll shows. While text messages cannot easily be printed, it can be done.

Discrimination and North Carolina Child Custody Cases

Published on: February 9, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to one recent article, a new bill before the Utah legislature, HB88, would add a statement to Utah’s divorce statute saying that courts, when making a child custody determination, may not discriminate against a parent based on age, race, color, national origin, religious preference or gender.

The bill’s sponsor, Representative Ryan Wilcox, R-Ogden, said he intends for the bill to ensure that judges consider both parents when deciding issues of custody, giving a complete look to both instead of the antiquated notion that the mother is a better choice in all circumstances.

One family who recently lost a young child after the drug addicted mother who won custody of her failed to prevent her death said that they were told, “unless the mother was in a hospital or a coffin there was nothing they could do.” Dan Deuel, of the American parental Action League, said that “In my mind, no discrimination is a no brainer.”

While the committee unanimously endorsed HB88, some lawmakers expressed their displeasure at having to remind judges to be fair in the first place. Representative Curtis Oda said that, “The court is supposed to be balanced. It seems to be going in the other direction.” Another lawmaker, Representative Jennifer Seelig, said she supported the legislation because it addresses the long-held notion that mothers are better parents than fathers. “I think it has potential not only for changing the system but for changing hearts and minds,” she said.

Study says Divorce at a Young Age Hurts Worst

Published on: February 2, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A new Michigan State University study finds divorce at a younger age hurts people’s health more than divorce later in life. Study author and sociology professor Dr. Hui Liu said the findings, published in the journal Social Science & Medicine, suggest older people have more coping skills to deal with the incredible stress that results from a divorce.

Liu said the findings indicate that there ought to be “more social and family support for the younger divorced groups.” Liu suggested that this might include “divorce counseling to help people handle the stress, or offering marital therapy or prevention programs to maintain marital satisfaction.”

Liu analyzed the self-reported health status of some 1,282 participants in a long-term national survey. She measured the gap in overall health between those who remained married during the 15-year study period and those who transitioned from marriage to divorce and at what age.

Liu found the gap was wider at younger ages. For example, among people born in the 1950s, those who got divorced between the ages of 35 and 41 reported more health problems in relation to their continuously married counterparts than those who got divorced in the 44 to 50 age range. Researchers were surprised to learn that divorce appears to have a more negative health impact for baby boomers than for individuals in older generations. Liu said she would have expected divorce to be less impactful for younger generations because divorce is so much more common among their age cohorts.

Liu offered an explanation for the difference. Perhaps because the pressure to stay married is so strong among older generations only those with the unhappiest marriages actually moved for divorce and thus, felt relief when the divorce was finalized.

The study confirmed something we mentioned in a previous post (Divorce Can Kill), that those who went from marriage to divorce experienced a generally more rapid health decline than those who remained married. It’s good to hear that those who remained divorced during the entire study period showed no difference with those who remained married.

Paternity and Child Support in North Carolina: The Impact of Senate Bill 203

Published on: January 26, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

In 2011 the North Carolina General Assembly passed a bill addressing how to go about setting aside an order of paternity and to allow relief from a child support order when the man responsible for payment is not the child’s father. The bill has a potentially important impact on child support cases where paternity is a disputed issue and thus deserves discussion.

Senate Bill 203 was introduced in Raleigh by Don Eastman and Floyd B. McKissick, Jr., and passed the NC General Assembly during the 2011 legislative session. It’ s intent was to modify existing child support laws. Section 1 of the bill states:

Notwithstanding the time limitations of G.S. 1A‑1, Rule 60 of the North Carolina Rules of Civil Procedure, or any other provision of law, an order of paternity may be set aside by a trial court if each of the following applies:

1) The affidavit of parentage was entered as the result of fraud, duress, mutual mistake or excusable neglect.

2) Genetic tests establish the putative father is not the biological father of the child.

The bill was proposed for several reasons, one being to address existing holes in North Carolina’s child support laws, another was to respond to the current economic climate and ensure that fathers are not forced to continue supporting children that they later discover are not biologically theirs.

The bill continues by clarifying that in any motion to set aside paternity it shall be the responsibility of the moving party (the person seeking to set aside the paternity determination) to meet the burden of proof. The legislature said that upon proper motion, courts should order the child’s mother, the child in question and the possible father to submit to genetic paternity testing.

If the court determines, as a result of genetic testing, that the potential father is not the biological father and that the order of paternity was entered as a result of fraud, duress, mutual mistake, or excusable neglect, the court may then set aside the order of paternity. It’s important to note that nothing in the language is meant to alter the current presumption of legitimacy when a child is born to a mother and a father during the course of a marriage.

Marriage May Be Down, But Don’t Count It Out Yet

Published on: December 22, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article by the Associated Press, couples are becoming increasingly less likely to tie the knot. One recently single woman described what is the both the benefit and the burden of cohabitation: “You start to see how people handle confrontation, financial realities, challenges, the housework load. If we had been married we would have been divorced, or fully on our way.”

Heading into 2012, barely half of all adults in the United States are married, and the median age at the time of a first marriage has never been higher – a hair over 26-years-old for women and nearly 29 for men.

By way of comparison, in 1960, the number of adults married was dramatically higher, a full 72 percent. By the year 2000, that number had fallen to 57 percent and today is only slightly higher than half at 51 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.

Experts believe the percentage of married adults could dip below 50 percent for the first time in a matter of a few years as the number of younger couples and single parents continues to grow. From just 2009 to 2010 the number of new marriages in the U.S. fell steeply, by 5 percent. While this drop may be partially attributed to the economy, the larger trend still holds true, fewer people are walking down the aisle.

Though the decline in marriage rates is widespread, it is especially prevalent among young adults. Nearly three out of every five people between 18 and 29 were married in 1960. Today it’s one in five.

Another dramatic marriage statistic relates to education levels. According to Pew Research, nearly two-thirds of all adults with college degrees, or 64 percent, are married, compared with only 47 percent of those with high school degrees or less. In 1960, college grads and those who had not gone beyond high school were equally likely to be married.

Race also impacts the likelihood of tying the knot. Pew found that 55 percent of whites are married compared to 48 percent of Hispanics and only 31 percent of blacks.

Though marriage may be down, it’s too early to count it out. Stephanie Coontz, who wrote “Marriage: A History” and teaches family studies at Evergreen State University said that she thinks “marriage is perceived as a very desirable good but no longer a necessity.” Backing this thought up another Pew survey found that while nearly 40 percent of respondents said marriage is becoming obsolete, 61 percent of those who were not married would like to be someday.

Tips for Dating Divorced with Children

Published on: November 1, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

As if dating someone new is not hard enough to begin with, there are plenty of folks who are in the dating pool who are divorced with children. A divorced parent who has a child (or children) is likely to bring with them all sorts of additional issues which would not likely be present with a nonparent. Fear not, what follows is a series of “rules” for dating a single parent from Yahoo!(as reported from the child’s perspective):

First, don’t lay it on too thick. Don’t laugh too much in a disingenuous or fake way. Rather, be genuine and be yourself. It may be better to earn the child’s respect than to worry about trying to make the child like you.

Second, no PDA (public displays of affection) in front of the child. The child is going to have enough other thinks to worry about and be uncomfortable about without having to watch you make out with their parent. A quick peck on the cheek may be acceptable under some circumstances. But, it is better to be discreet about such things.

Third, let the child determine how quickly the relationship develops and how deep it becomes. The child may be self defensive about getting too close to you for fear of the relationship between you and their parent deteriorating and having you out of their life. Similarly, the child may feel apprehensive or “disloyal” if they get close to you because of their relationship with their other parent (the one you aren’t dating).

Fourth, don’t be indifferent to the child. This is the opposite of rule number one (1). While you shouldn’t lay it on too thick, you shouldn’t be completely indifferent either. It will also make the child feel uncomfortable if you show interest in their parent and then disregard them or don’t pay a normal amount of attention to them.

Fifth, know your role in the “family.” Remember that you are not the parent and it is not your place to chastise or correct the child. Even if your dating partner tries to pull you into the middle of the situation, observe healthy boundaries. If the relationships (both with the parent and with the child) progress, you may feel comfortable become involved. But, do so diplomatically.

Sixth, be open with the child. Share information about who you are: your life, your background and the like. This will help you and the child to connect on a deeper level and for them to have a better understanding of where you might be coming from on different issues. Also, if the child doesn’t think you are a freak, they are more likely to be comfortable with your relationship with their divorced parent.

Seven, follow the golden rule. Treat the child like you would like to be treated if you were in their position. Try to be empathetic and understand the confusion and various pressures the child may be feeling. Remember, whatever it is that made their parent available to date you is likely to be a difficult situation for the child. Keep that in mind.

Fewer Children for Americans?

Published on: September 8, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to an article (The No-Baby Boom) by Details Magazine on Yahoo!, America is experiencing a significant decrease in the number of children being born. Generally seen as being attributable to the poor economy, children now tend to be seen as an economic liability rather than the free labor they once were when our economy was more dependent on farms. So, what is going to happen to our society if we continue to experience decline in reproduction? Is it possible that we will begin to experience significant population reduction?

3. Marriage is better for your children’s health.

Published on: February 8, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) just released new figures in December which compared the health of children in all types of living situations. The data demonstrates that children who live in the same home as their parents have a lower rate of disease and sickness. The ailments documented included asthma, vision problems, developmental delays, ADHD, and migraines. These ailments were far more present in the homes of children who live with only one parents, even when wealth and education were factored in.

Divorce is Not Always Bad for the Children

Published on: July 16, 2010 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Researchers from Montclair State University in New Jersey recently reported that, in marriages with a great deal of conflict, the notion of “staying together for the kids” might do more harm than good. The study, which was presented last year at the annual meetings of the Population Association of America, is being prepared for publication in a scientific journal.

To form their conclusions, the researchers analyzed the results of a national survey of nearly 7,000 married couples and their children living in the United States. The parents were initially surveyed in 1987 and asked questions to gauge their level of marital conflict at home, including how often they disagreed over money, household tasks, the in-laws, and multiple other hot-button issues. Then, between 1992 and 1993, both parents and children were surveyed, with researchers assessing how the parental conflict changed over the years, including whether the couple divorced. The children were surveyed a final time, as adults in 2001 and 2002, and were asked about their level of happiness and conflict in their own current relationships.

The results of the study indicate that children of parents who fight a lot yet stay married experience more conflict in their own marital relationships than children of parents who fight and get divorced. Researchers indicate that the results show that children do suffer short-term issues during crisis periods when their parents divorce, but they usually recover in the long run. Constant exposure to parental strife is most likely what causes children’s future relationships to suffer and sometimes end. In contract, parental happiness did not appear to affect the children’s adult relationships; children of happily married parents did not necessarily grow up to have happy marriages themselves.

Charlotte Dads Feeling the Same Pressure as Moms when it Comes to Family Obligations

Published on: June 25, 2010 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

This year, Father’s Day marked a new milestone for fathers across the country: they are becoming just as stressed as mothers. Last week, Boston College released a study called “The New Dad,” which suggested that new fathers are facing a subtle bias in the workplace that fails to recognize their new family responsibilities and obligations. This workplace bias assumes that mothers, rather than fathers, will be most affected by the addition of children to the family.

However, this research highlights the new challenges facing fathers: they must navigate a workplace that is typically reluctant to give them time off for family reasons. Several studies show that men, compared with their female colleagues, are less likely to take advantage of benefits like flexible schedules and family leave. The Boston College study found that when men needed to take their children to the doctor or pick them up from daycare, they tended to do so in a stealthy fashion rather than ask for a more flexible work arrangement.

Thus, fathers are now facing a social dilemma that is more often faced by mothers – finding the balance between being a good parent and a good worker. Fathers also seem more unhappy than mothers with the balancing act: In dual-income families, 59 percent of fathers report some level of “work-life conflict,” compared with about 45 percent of women, according to a 2008 report from The Families and Work Institute in New York.