Charlotte Divorce Lawyer Blog

Relationship Advice From A Recently Divorced Man: Part II :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: September 17, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “What rules are there for Father’s Right in NC?”

In a continuation of the last post, let’s discuss several more bits of advice offered by motivational speaker Gerald Rogers. Rogers has gained online fame after posting a note to his Facebook page listing a series of things he wishes that he knew before he got married. Rogers says he thinks the advice might have saved his marriage had he taken it to heart years ago. Now that it’s too late for him, he wanted to take the opportunity to share his wisdom with others in the hope that they might be able to salvage their relationships.

One bit of wisdom shared by Rogers is that couples need to grow together. As Rogers puts it, a stagnant pond breeds malaria while a flowing stream always stays fresh and cool. Couples need to avoid the natural tendency towards complacency in their relationship. Keep things fresh and interesting by always being eager to learn and grow. You should both be willing to try new things and go on new adventures. A relationship without growth should be taken as a warning sign that the end is near.

Rogers say that another thing he wishes he understood was how important it is to be transparent with the person you love. He says that in order to trust someone and to have them trust you in return you must be willing to share everything with them. He says this includes sharing those things that you might prefer to keep private. This kind of openness can take a lot of courage, but it’s critical if you want to create a deep and lasting connection with your partner. Drop the mask and feel safe being your true self in front of your spouse.

Though it can be hard at times, couples have to try and not worry about money. Rogers says that money is a game and that couples should view themselves as teammates in a competition to collect some. In a sport if teammates were constantly at each other’s throats it would be clear that they would likely fail to find success. The same is true with money in a relationship. Rather than fight with your spouse, work together and try and keep the stress level low.

Relationship Advice From A Recently Divorced Man :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: September 12, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

Anyone that has ever gone through a divorce likely understands just how hard marriage can be and how much work it takes to keep one together. That’s why a recently divorced motivational speaker has decided to publish a list of 20 bits of advice for those readers who are still married and eager to ensure that their relationship survives.

The marriage advice compiled by Gerald Rogers has attracted a lot of attention online, earning nearly 70,000 “likes” on Facebook and nearly 100,000 shares. Rogers says he is certainly not a relationship expert, but notes that his time being married and then his time watching that marriage unravel has taught him a lot about what it takes to make a relationship work for the long haul.

Rogers says some of the following are some pieces of advice he wished he’d known years ago and thinks that if he had he might still be married. The first point noted by Rogers is that couples should never stop courting one another. Rogers says that both parties need to resist the urge for complacency and instead make sure that they avoid becoming lazy in love. To ensure a happy marriage you have to keep dating and keep the spark alive.

Another bit of wisdom is that couples have to try and fall in love over and over again. Rogers says that people change constantly and that, as a result, relationships must evolve too. If not, then it’s likely the party who has changed will grow unhappy with the relationship dynamic and may want out. He said that couples need to realize that every day a person must choose to continue to be with someone and it’s important that the decision to remain together is not taken lightly.

Article Discusses Common Bad Advice Given To Those Facing Divorce :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: September 10, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How is the amount of child support decided in North Carolina?”

A recent article on CaféMom.com focused on several examples of bad advice that women going through a divorce often hear. The author of the piece says that after she separated from her husband she found herself inundated with unsolicited advice about how to save her marriage.

Though the advice may have been well intentioned, it was usually misguided. Too many people fail to recognize that they will never understand the complicated emotions and actions that go into a marriage and their advice can inadvertently make an already difficult situation even worse.

One example of bad advice for someone facing a divorce is that the couple should simply stay married, that things will get better. This kind of advice is not only wrong, it can be offensive to those facing the end of their marriage, implying that had they simply stuck things out that a divorce would not have been necessary. The fact is that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity and continuing to stay in a broken marriage will not work to anyone’s benefit.

Another bit of bad advice is when friends of family members suggest staying together for the sake of the kids. The fact is children are remarkably able to adapt to changed circumstances and can easily thrive despite the demise of their parents’ marriage. Children are also not stupid and can tell if their parents are unhappy, merely keeping quiet about your displeasure for their sake will only make everyone miserable.

Best Buy CEO Sells Millions Of Shares To Pay Mounting Divorce Tab :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: September 5, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How much does it cost to get divorced, and how does the billing process work?”

A recent financial disclosure form by the CEO of Best Buy reveals just how pricey divorce can sometimes be. The Chief Executive of Best Buy, Hubert Joly, announced to the press that he had to sell $10.4 million in shares of Best Buy stock to help fund his ongoing divorce.

According to a report filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission, Joly’s sale of 350,000 shares of stock took place earlier this month. A company spokesperson says that Joly’s sale of stock has nothing to do with a negative outlook on the prospects of the company. Instead, the official said that Joly’s sale was necessary to liquidate some of the CEO’s assets to help pay for a pricey divorce. Despite the sale, Joly remains heavily invested in Best Buy.

Though most couples in North Carolina do not have the luxury of selling millions of dollars of stock to fund a pricey divorce, money is an incredibly common worry about the divorce process, regardless of income. In fact, a recent survey found that among those couples without children who were facing divorce, the cost of divorce was the number one concern. Surprisingly, the cost of divorce rated even higher than worries over dividing marital assets. Among couples with children, the cost of the divorce was second only to worries about child custody and visitation schedules.

So how can people keep their divorce costs from spiraling out of control? First and foremost try and make the divorce less adversarial. In Joly’s case, his split from his ex has been incredibly combative and has stretched on for many months. The fact is simple: the longer a divorce lasts the more expensive it will be. Though no one should simply agree to hand everything over to his or her spouse in the interest of expediency, there is also no reason to fight tooth and nail over every knickknack.

“Martin” Turns Back Into “Messiah” After Tennessee Judges Overrules Lower Court :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: September 3, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “What does uncontested divorce mean?”

A judge in Tennessee has reversed the ruling of a chancery court judge from Cocke County regarding the ability of a couple to name their 8-month-old son “Messiah.” The case began last month when the boy’s mother and father were in court arguing over the child’s last name. Oddly enough, the two had actually agreed that the boy’s first name would be Messiah.

While in court, Child Support Magistrate Lu Ann Ballew said that she was offended by the name choice and said that the child should instead be called “Martin.” Ballew based her decision on the religiosity of those living in the rural area of the state, saying that the child might have a hard time being raised in an area that is so predominantly Christian. Ballew told the parents that “Messiah” is a title and the title has only been earned by one person, Jesus Christ.

The parents were shocked to discover they could not name their child as they wished and appealed the decision. The mother’s attorney said they appealed because the couple was in agreement about the first name and had never chosen it for religious reasons. Instead, the mother claims she thought that the word sounded nice.

Just this past week Chancellor Telford Fogerty overturned Ballew’s initial decision, deciding that the lower court acted unconstitutionally in changing the child’s name to Martin. Judge Fogerty said that the lower court’s decision amounted to a violation of the establishment clause of the U.S. Constitution and added that the purpose of the proceeding was to determine the child’s last name, not to litigate the appropriateness of the child’s first name. The Establishment Clause, one of the first pronouncements contained in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution, says that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion. This has generally been interpreted to prohibit the establishment of a national religion by Congress and to prevent the preference by the U.S. government of one religion over another. Given that the lower judge’s ruling was based on Christian theology and not the law, Judge Fogerty had no choice but to reverse course. And just like that, Martin was turned back into Messiah.

Several (More) Signs That Your Marriage May Be In Trouble :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: August 29, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “When do you get alimony?”

The following is a continuation of the last post we did concerning a list of signs that your spouse is secretly unhappy, a list that appeared in an article by Amy Shearn over at Yahoo.com. Obsessive shopping, deathly silence over the dinner table and a abnormally close work friend are three of the indictors we discussed previously. Let’s dive into a few more.

As we mentioned, when you run out of things to say that might be a sign of unhappiness. It is also true that no longer having an interest in listening can also indicate serious relationship dissatisfaction. When someone tries to cut discussions or arguments short by simply saying, “We’ve already been over this” it might be a sign that the person has checked out of your relationship and no longer wants to put in the effort to fix things. Rather than hear out your concerns and try and solve problems, people who are at this stage are simply over fighting and may be looking for an exit. Healthy relationships involve discussion and occasionally even disagreements; if your partner is no longer willing to put in that work it might be a sign of serious trouble.

Another indicator of unhappiness according to Shearn is when a spouse appears to be purposely irritating, nagging or pestering or other obnoxious habits that come out of nowhere may be a sign that your partner feels unappreciated and simply wants some attention. In this case the good news is that your partner has not yet given up and walked away, but if he or she continues to feel ignored it’s only a matter of time. Though they may be on your last nerve, take the cry for attention seriously and try to be a bit more nurturing; a little bit of acknowledgement can go a long way.

Several Signs That Your Marriage May Be In Trouble :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: August 27, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “What does uncontested divorce mean?”

A recent article on Yahoo.com delved into several important signs that your significant other might be secretly unhappy with your relationship. The tips are certainly not sure things, but are instead some examples of behavior that might indicate your spouse has checked out of the relationship and may soon be interested in checking out of the marriage. The author of the piece recommended that readers be aware of the following signs and take action to improve things if it seems like any of the following ring true.

First things first, is your spouse shopping like crazy? Though some people simply enjoy a good trip to the mall, purchases out of the ordinary can reflect unhappiness at home. One psychology professor mentioned in the article noted that studies have shown that both men and women who attach more value to their possessions tend to be less secure in their personal relationships. While shopping by itself is OK, keep an eye out to see if the shopping seems like an attempt to fill a deeper void.

The author of the Yahoo piece notes another sign that there may be trouble in paradise, something she dubs “dining dead.” Zombies are definitely something we all want to avoid, especially in the context of a marriage. Though it can be nice to spend some quiet time together and not feel the urge to fill every pause with conversation, if the pauses start to become the rule rather than the exception then it may be time to worry. Silence over the dinner table can be great in small doses, but if you find yourself at a loss for conversation with your spouse frequently then you need to start asking questions about why you no longer have anything to say to one another. If the silence appears to be one-sided, it may mean you have an unhappy partner who is unwilling to rock the boat.

Recent Celebrity Divorce Gives New Meaning To The Phrase “Splitting Hairs” :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: August 22, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “What does uncontested divorce mean?”

In a bizarre case that highlights just how strange some celebrity splits can be, Black Keys guitarist Dan Auerbach and his wife have finalized their divorce. TMZ recently confirmed that the final settlement papers have been filled in Tennessee, bringing to an end a divorce that began in February of this year.

Like most divorce cases, Auerbach’s divorce from his wife, Stephanie Gonis, involved a financial settlement, a division of their marital assets and a child custody agreement. The two had been married for four years and had one child together, a four-year-old girl named Sadie.

According to family court documents, Gonis will walk away from the marriage with a lump sum settlement of $5 million as well as a 2012 Toyota Highlander and one of the family’s two homes. Though the amounts are certainly large, the division of assets, including vehicles and homes, is pretty standard and similar to the process faced by ordinary couples across North Carolina who must divide the assets that were accumulated over the course of their marriage.

Where the Auerbach divorce diverges from the mainstream is in one of the odd personal items that Gonis will receive in the divorce settlement. Appearing in the divorce agreement is a notation for “Bob Dylan Hair.” Apparently the two had purchased an unknown quantity of the famous rocker’s locks and Gonis felt like the hair should be hers.

Four Tips For Divorcing Couples To Avoid Harming Retirement :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: August 20, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How can an attorney help me with my Divorce or Separation in North Carolina?”

We’ve discussed what’s known as the “gray divorce” trend several times before. Increasingly large numbers of people over the age of 50 have decided to file for divorce, many times more than in previous decades. While this can be a good thing for many couples, those facing divorce late in life face special challenges that young couples do not. Issues like retirement and building back up a comfortable nest egg can be more difficult for these older divorcees than for couples who split while in their 20s.

To help ease what can be a difficult transition for the over-50 individuals facing a divorce, the following are some tips compiled by a writer at Forbes for how to best minimize the financial damage divorce can do to your retirement.

First things first, the author says is to avoid the knee jerk reaction of most people to fight to keep the house. Most people wrongly assume that in a divorce it is better to end up with the home, something that is not necessarily true. Why? Well compared to retirement accounts, homes are far more likely to incur additional and ongoing expenses. Also, the future value of the home is questionable, especially given the recent crash in home values. Also, homes are not liquid assets meaning that people will have a more difficult time extracting value from the home to finance retirement.

Second, those facing divorce should be sure to understand the tax implications of a split on their retirement funds. Any withdrawal of funds from pre-tax accounts like 401(k)s or IRAs will trigger tax penalties. However, withdrawals from after-tax accounts like Roth IRAs are not taxed when the money is taken out during retirement. This means that if a divorcing couple has one 401(k) with a $500,000 balance and a Roth IRA with $500,000, the two are not equal due to the ways that each will be taxed, with the Roth IRA actually being more valuable.

Simon Cowell’s Affair Costs Lover Millions In Divorce Settlement :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: August 15, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Does adultery affect who gets custody?”

It appears Simon Cowell’s messy relationship with his good friend’s wife can now move forward publicly as Lauren Silverman and her former husband announced that their divorce settlement has been finalized. The split between Lauren and Andrew Silverman, wealthy New York socialites, worked out as many expected (and as we mentioned previously), wrapping up quite quickly.

Andrew named Cowell in his original divorce petition, claiming that his former friend had engaged in an extramarital affair with Lauren that resulted in her becoming pregnant. Rather than file a no-fault divorce, Andrew claimed that his wife’s infidelity was to blame for the dissolution of the marriage, an unusually public rebuke of his wife and former friend. Experts familiar with the case said that the aggressive stance was taken to try and force his wife to agree to a settlement quickly, something which appears to have worked.

The two, who were married for 10 years, have apparently reached an agreement concerning finances as well as custody of their son. In addition to agreeing to share custody of their son, Lauren supposedly walked away with a less than $2 million in a lump sum settlement. While this is a sizable chunk of change, it’s less than half the amount that many expected Lauren to receive when the divorce proceedings began. Most people estimated that Lauren would walk away with more than $4 million given her ex-husband’s wealth.