Separation

Divorce Rings in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: March 29, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to an odd story in the New York Times, the concept of “divorce rings” is starting to gain appeal among a certain set. What is a divorce ring you may ask? Imagine a man bent on one knee, gazing up at surprised woman. He removes a jewelry box from his jacket and hands her a diamond ring in the shape of a broken heart. “Honey, will you divorce me?”
This bizarre scenario may not be as crazy as it seems. Alice Kwartler Antiques is now selling an 18-karat gold and diamond “divorce ring,” complete with a solitaire and jagged broken heart. At $3,200, the ring might cost more than a lot of people’s wedding bands. Rather than symbolizing eternal love, this one is meant to signify that things didn’t work out.
Using rings as a symbol of marital status can be traced back to ancient times. In the modern era, there are three marital statuses: single, married, and divorced. The idea of a “divorce ring” is just another way to signal a shift in a person’s life. The breakup ring would quickly let people know that a marriage is over, just as a wedding ring says that you’re taken. The ring can help avoid tiresome conversations with people about the status of your relationship and serves as a warning sign to newcomers.

Rather than wait to receive such a ring, others might decide to purchase one for themselves as a symbol of surviving the pain of the divorce process. There’s a spirit of starting over, or renewal in the rings and buyers have been known to throw themselves divorce parties or splurge on “divorcemoons.”

After a Divorce in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: March 27, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to one recent article, it can be difficult to know how to approach a future relationship with your ex. It’s complicated given all the water under the bride and can be awkward moving forward. A good general rule of thumb is that amicable splits make for better friendships than ones involving infidelity and jealousy.

The article lays out five questions to ask yourself to determine if you’ve really moved on and are able to just be friends with your former spouse.
1. You immediately want to be friends after breaking up.

Accepting that your partner is no longer part of your life is a great way to move on from the marriage. This realization may allow you to salvage a friendship. People who can’t accept life without their spouse often don’t make for good friends as the underlying reason is to try and stay close to someone they weren’t ready to party with.

2. You miss your ex’s company.

You need to decide what exactly you miss, is it that romantic alone time or the funny jokes you’d tell laugh about together. Articulating this will help you decide whether you are missing the actual person vs. missing the relationship.

3. You talk about the past often.

Taking trips down memory is normal in the beginning to pave over an awkward situation. But if you continue to dwell on the past or have relationship talk that shows that you’re not ready to move on and that you’re only attempting to cling to what once was.

4. You talk about dating other people.

Talking about romantic relationships with new people is awkward, but if jealousy rears its head that’s a good sign that the friendship is not strictly platonic. You may believe that you can maintain a friendship without disclosing each other’s romantic lives, but this is likely untrue. Dating and relationships will continue to be a part of both of your lives and if you are unable to share this, then the point of the friendship lacks the opportunity to grow and change.

5. You think about getting back together one day.

Pretext to a North Carolina Divorce or Just a Fight?

Published on: March 20, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, as couples deal with the difficulties inherent in every relationship it is sometimes hard to know when a fight is just a fight or the beginning of the end.
According to research from the Gottman Institute, couples typically wait an average six years in a less-than-happy marriage before seeking help. Deciding whether and when to call it quits is an obviously difficult and sad process.

A new type of therapy, called “discernment counseling,” offers a new approach. Discernment counseling, pioneered by Bill Doherty, a professor in the family social science department at the University of Minnesota, sets out to help couples decide whether to divorce or remain married. Doherty thought up the idea after a local family court judge mentioned that he was surprised by the number of people divorcing that seemed to get along so well that he was confused why they were splitting up.

In a recent study of divorcing couples published in the Family Court Review, the results showed that about 30% of individuals who were divorcing said they would seriously consider a reconciliation service if it was offered by the court. Further exploration of the numbers showed that after comparing responses of both spouses, about 10% of couples had both partners interested in reconciliation.
Doherty has decided that in 30% of couples headed for divorce one spouse is what is described as “leaning out,” or wanting to go, while the other is “leaning in,” or wanting to stay. In discernment counseling, he helps the leaning-out spouse decide if leaving is the best answer and helps the leaning-in spouse cope with the final decision without worsening the situation. After working through their issues, he lays out three alternatives: marriage as it has been, divorce, or a six-month reconciliation with marriage therapy. Of the 25 couples that have gone through the process 40% decided to try the reconciliation.

Understanding the Importance of a Prenuptial Agreement in North Carolina

Published on: January 31, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Though most people would agree that marriage is a big step, representing a major life change, very few people understand the magnitude of the decision both legally and financially. People forget that marriage is, after all, a contract entered into by two people and it entails many of the same pitfalls as any other contractual relationship.

One of the things that many people may not realize is that even if one spouse contributes disproportionately more assets or income to the marital partnership, all of the assets likely eventually become merged into one marital pie where the lesser contributing spouse is entitled to half. This means one spouse could possibly walk away with a disproportionately larger share of the assets than they contributed. When couples agree to marry they typically are agreeing to relinquish half of your accumulated assets, something most newlyweds seldom think about. Some couples, likely those who marry young, may not have any appreciable assets. So, it may not be such a concern for them. However, those who have accumulated assets should give careful consideration to the business aspect of their marriage.

People take a business-like approach to other major events with potentially important financial implications like buying a house or a car. Yet when it comes to marriage, rarely is research conducted or fine print examined. A prenuptial agreement is an obvious way to protect yourself and watch out for both parties’ financial wellbeing. However, many people dismiss the idea as either being a sign of lack of genuine affection or as something only used by the ultra-wealthy. Neither is true.

A recent poll by Harris Interactive showed that when asked nearly half of divorced people said they wish they had a prenup when they married. Forty-four percent of single adults say they would want a prenup and yet only about 5% of couples actually go through with it. Why the disconnect?

As Some States Slow Divorce, Others Kick It Into Gear

Published on: January 17, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

As we mentioned in a post last week (Some States Try to Slow Down Divorce), some states have made a move toward lengthening their divorce process in the name of looking out for the best interest of children. The Wall Street Journal reports that New Jersey is evidently not as concerned with such things. In fact, New Jersey is set to become the East Coast version of Vegas.

Legislation is currently sitting on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s desk which would turn this into a reality. The bill, if signed, would make it easier to get married in the state and would also expedite the process of getting a divorce.

The bill was passed by both houses of the New Jersey Legislature on Monday and would eliminate a mandatory 72-hour waiting period for a marriage or civil union license. The speed comes at a cost, however. The bill would see the cost of a marriage license rise to $60 from $28. Additionally, the bill would allow couples to annul a marriage within 30 days without the need to go to a court. Specific details on how the annulment process would function are still being hammered out. Currently, 29 states have no waiting period for a marriage license, but only two -Connecticut and Rhode Island – are in the Northeast.

The current rules in New Jersey require those who want an uncontested divorce to wait at least six months. The number is reduced to three months if the couple can demonstrate that the marriage is not working and that there has been fault.

The new bill has its fans and its detractors. Some believe it will bring more visitors to the state, increase revenue and be a generally positive change for New Jersey. Others say it cheapens the sanctity of marriage and will lead to increased family problems in the state.

The Benefits of Annulment in North Carolina

Published on: January 5, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

What’s the best way to avoid some of the time (and money) wasting fights that come along with divorce? Get an annulment instead. Unlike divorce, which acknowledges a marriage’s beginning and end, an annulment simply declares that the marriage never existed in the first place. “When a couple gets an annulment, it’s as if the marriage never existed to begin with,” says Kristin D. Hofheimer, a divorce attorney in Virginia Beach, Va.

Annulment can be great for your finances. The reason is that in an annulment, the courts do their best to restore the individuals to their original financial state prior to the marriage. So, what money and property you brought into the marriage is what you will walk away with, including any debt that came along with you. Anything that is joint, either assets or debts, are typically divided equally.

The problem is that qualifying for an annulment isn’t easy, and it’s not meant to be. In North Carolina, annulments are typically only allowed for the following narrow reasons:

1. Marriage between any two persons nearer in relationship than first cousins.
2. Marriage between double first cousins. Double first cousins occur when a set of brothers marries a set of sisters, or a brother and a sister marry another sister and brother, and they produce children. The children of these two marriages are double first cousins.

3. Marriage between a male person under 16 years of age and a female, with the exception of a court order as a result of a pregnancy when between the ages of 14 and 16.

4. Marriage between a female person under 16 years of age and a male, with the exception of a court order as a result of a pregnancy when between the ages of 14 and 16.

5. Marriage where either of the parties is physically impotent at the time of the marriage. Impotence must be permanent, incurable and medically diagnosed by a doctor.

6. Marriage between persons either of whom is, at the time of the marriage, incapable of contracting due to want of will or understanding is not automatically void
Couples who are in the process of getting an annulment and want to take action to protect their finances can typically approach joint debt in one of two ways:

1. Split the amount owed and each pay their share to take care of the debt.

2. One party can pay the entire debt and then sue the other party for half. If you’re trying to protect your credit, you may want to take care of the debt and let your ex reimburse you so you know an unpaid bill won’t end up bringing down your credit score, Hofheimer says.

More North Carolina Couples Divorce in January

Published on: December 29, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Is there any truth to the belief that a new year brings new relationships? January is often referred to in family law circles as the “Divorce Month.” The Huffington Post reports that the combination of frantic holidays, family issues and financial stress can bring to light cracks in already strained marriages.

The January divorce label has been applied for a reason; according to statistics published by eDivorcePapers.com, January did indeed have the most legal breakups. One Maryland divorce lawyer confirms that “Divorce Month” really does exist, saying that “Some attorneys take the last two weeks of the year off to get ready for the rush. January really does see a lot of divorces.”

The single biggest day for filing a divorce remains in doubt, though some groups have attempted to identify a single “D-Day.” The Legal Services Commission claims that “the first Monday after the kids return to school” sees the most filings.

A founder of DivorcedWomenOnline.com, says that though filings are most popular in January, the search begins in December. Angry husbands and wives begin searching for information on divorce in the days immediately following the holidays. “I see a huge increase in pageviews and searches the day after Christmas. People start looking for information before the New Year starts, but they can’t do much until the attorneys are back in the office. January 12-16 seems to be the magic week for filings.”

There are many reasons for the New Year’s push, but one big reason is the kids. Often time couples have been struggling for months before the holidays. However, they attempt to put aside their issues to give their children a happy holiday season with an intact family. When January rolls around the magic is gone and often, so is the marriage.

Another big reason is year-end reflection. Unhappy spouses look at their lives and decide they need to make a change. Unhappy spouses take a look at their life more carefully following the rush of the holidays and decide they just cannot endure another year like that.

Taxes also impact a person’s decisions of when to file. Marital status is determined as of December 31 according to the IRS and if a couple wants to file returns jointly they must be married as of that day. Unhappy people facing financial stress may put off divorce until the New Year because they can’t afford to take the financial hit of filing separately.

Another spike occurs in July and August. The reason is that some parents file before the school year starts if they are thinking of relocating and enrolling the kids in a different school district. Summer routines are also important as most parents don’t want to put the children through a painful divorce while they’re at home with nothing to do. Once the school year starts parents are more apt to move forward with filing.

Marriage May Be Down, But Don’t Count It Out Yet

Published on: December 22, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

According to a recent article by the Associated Press, couples are becoming increasingly less likely to tie the knot. One recently single woman described what is the both the benefit and the burden of cohabitation: “You start to see how people handle confrontation, financial realities, challenges, the housework load. If we had been married we would have been divorced, or fully on our way.”

Heading into 2012, barely half of all adults in the United States are married, and the median age at the time of a first marriage has never been higher – a hair over 26-years-old for women and nearly 29 for men.

By way of comparison, in 1960, the number of adults married was dramatically higher, a full 72 percent. By the year 2000, that number had fallen to 57 percent and today is only slightly higher than half at 51 percent, according to the Pew Research Center.

Experts believe the percentage of married adults could dip below 50 percent for the first time in a matter of a few years as the number of younger couples and single parents continues to grow. From just 2009 to 2010 the number of new marriages in the U.S. fell steeply, by 5 percent. While this drop may be partially attributed to the economy, the larger trend still holds true, fewer people are walking down the aisle.

Though the decline in marriage rates is widespread, it is especially prevalent among young adults. Nearly three out of every five people between 18 and 29 were married in 1960. Today it’s one in five.

Another dramatic marriage statistic relates to education levels. According to Pew Research, nearly two-thirds of all adults with college degrees, or 64 percent, are married, compared with only 47 percent of those with high school degrees or less. In 1960, college grads and those who had not gone beyond high school were equally likely to be married.

Race also impacts the likelihood of tying the knot. Pew found that 55 percent of whites are married compared to 48 percent of Hispanics and only 31 percent of blacks.

Though marriage may be down, it’s too early to count it out. Stephanie Coontz, who wrote “Marriage: A History” and teaches family studies at Evergreen State University said that she thinks “marriage is perceived as a very desirable good but no longer a necessity.” Backing this thought up another Pew survey found that while nearly 40 percent of respondents said marriage is becoming obsolete, 61 percent of those who were not married would like to be someday.

Divorce Lawyers for Dads – Worthwhile or a Slick Marketing Campaign?

Published on: November 22, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

You have probably seen the “BIG D” divorce lawyer commercials on The Golf Channel or maybe on ESPN. They seem to run on channels that men would generally watch and they tug at the heartstrings of men going through, or potentially going through, a legal separation or divorce. The “BIG D” is omnipresent in the lives of the men portrayed in the commercial while a gentleman with a soft southern accent does a moving voiceover. The commercial makes reference to a dad’s perspective in child custody matters as well as illustrating how divorce can affect his financial position (apparently alluding to post separation support, alimony, child support or equitable distribution matters).

Alas, a “nationwide domestic law firm” from St. Louis, Missouri has set up shop in North Carolina. This law firm markets itself as a divorce law firm for men.

One question, obviously, is whether the “Divorce Lawyers for Dads” focus is an advantage or whether it is just a slick marketing campaign. One may also wonder if it is a good thing to hire a “nationwide domestic law firm” or whether it is better to have a lawyer who is local, with deep roots in the community. Obviously, you need to make these determinations for yourself. But, Fox News Charlotte has done this report:

iPhone Helps Catch Cheating Wife

Published on: October 18, 2011 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

How many creative iPhone or Droid apps have you seen lately? There are apps that do just about everything. There is a flashlight, a calculator, one that logs you into Ebay, one for Facebook. Heck, there are even some that can be used in the context of a family law case. There is the good old fashioned voice recorder, camera, video camera sort of stuff. There are others that will help calculate child support.

Yet, there are others that are a bit “different.” There is one that purports to allow one to make calls to a telephone and make it appear as though the call is coming from someone else (on caller ID). Another one purports to allow the user to send a text message to a telephone and make it appear to be from another cell phone. Obviously, the implications of this sort of ability on divorce litigation and evidentiary matters might be troubling.

Well, when Apple released its most recent iPhone (iPhone 4s) and operating system (iOS5) it included a feature which utilizes the GPS functionality of the iPhone. This application is called “Find my Friends.” As you might imagine, it did not take long before a suspicious spouse used this application to keep a watchful eye on the other spouse.

Although this account has not yet been verified, according to an article on ABC News/Yahoo! (Your Cheating Heart: iPhone App Finds Wife With Another Man). According to this blog post, the industrious (and suspicious) husband got a new iPhone for his wife.