Separation

Several Signs That Your Marriage May Be In Trouble :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: August 27, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “What does uncontested divorce mean?”

A recent article on Yahoo.com delved into several important signs that your significant other might be secretly unhappy with your relationship. The tips are certainly not sure things, but are instead some examples of behavior that might indicate your spouse has checked out of the relationship and may soon be interested in checking out of the marriage. The author of the piece recommended that readers be aware of the following signs and take action to improve things if it seems like any of the following ring true.

First things first, is your spouse shopping like crazy? Though some people simply enjoy a good trip to the mall, purchases out of the ordinary can reflect unhappiness at home. One psychology professor mentioned in the article noted that studies have shown that both men and women who attach more value to their possessions tend to be less secure in their personal relationships. While shopping by itself is OK, keep an eye out to see if the shopping seems like an attempt to fill a deeper void.

The author of the Yahoo piece notes another sign that there may be trouble in paradise, something she dubs “dining dead.” Zombies are definitely something we all want to avoid, especially in the context of a marriage. Though it can be nice to spend some quiet time together and not feel the urge to fill every pause with conversation, if the pauses start to become the rule rather than the exception then it may be time to worry. Silence over the dinner table can be great in small doses, but if you find yourself at a loss for conversation with your spouse frequently then you need to start asking questions about why you no longer have anything to say to one another. If the silence appears to be one-sided, it may mean you have an unhappy partner who is unwilling to rock the boat.

Four Behaviors That Destroy Marriages :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: June 18, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”

A recent article discussed how studies have shown that there are four behaviors that experts agree are most often responsible for the destruction of a marriage. In fact, the results show that by watching just 15 minutes of interaction, an expert can predict with a 90 percent accuracy whether a couple will still be together in five years.

The ability to predict a split is not due to fortune telling, but instead because researchers have found a list of four behaviors that are clearly linked to destructive relationships. The first one is accusation. Researchers refer to this as the kiss of death for most marriages and it happens when one or both spouses have a tendency to assign blame towards their partner, especially without knowing the full story. Experts say to avoid the problem and have a happy marriage, it’s important to try and give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best, rather than the worst. Also, work on rephrasing accusations as questions, which are much less confrontational.

Next is escalation and this happens when one or both partners attempt to deflect blame by escalating arguments. Rather than respond to a complaint with another complaint, try and stay calm. Remember that it’s better to be in love than it is to be right. Try and be understanding and move towards resolution of a problem rather than fight to get one over on your spouse.

The third destructive relationship behavior is invalidation. When one person invalidates their partner it means they discredit or weaken them in some way, either by constantly belittling them or focusing on negative aspects of their personality rather than recognizing all the positives. This problem is very similar to bullying and happens when one or both parties feel the need to put the other in their place, constantly highlighting flaws or mistakes. Though this might work for a short time in getting your way, eventually the bullied spouse will tire of the treatment and call it quits, often shocking the other spouse who did not see the split coming.

Divorce Or Separation? Part Two :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 18, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”

This post is a continuation of our last article walking through some important questions that couples should ask themselves before settling on divorce. The following are some more tough issues to consider while weighing the decision of seeking a separation or choosing to divorce.

The next issue raised in the Yahoo article is to ask yourself how a separation might affect your children. While you might like to have a trial period to think over the marriage, it’s important to consider how your children will view the news. Some kids might be given false hope about their parents reconciling while others might get the wrong message about what kinds of behavior is acceptable in a relationship.

Experts also recommend considering whether you or your spouse will require health insurance. Though the issue may seem boring and practical, practicality has its place in such matters. If one party has extensive pre-existing medical conditions or lacks insurance of their own, a trial separation might be the best way to ease into a new life apart, giving each party time to make arrangements. A full divorce would pull the rug out from under the sick party and a separation might be the best way to handle the transition.

Another practical matter that should be considered is whether one party is accumulating significant assets. If you are the spouse making a lot of money or are owed a big bonus in the not so distant future, you might be inclined to push for divorce to create a cut-off point and separate your finances. If, on the other hand, your spouse is due for a big raise or bonus, it likely makes financial sense to consider a separation and ensure you are entitled to a share of those assets.

Divorce Or Separation? Part One :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: April 16, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “Can any attorney help me with my family law needs in North Carolina?”

If you are unhappy in your marriage and are contemplating calling it quits, chances are things have been bad for a while. No one wants to rush into something as serious and final as divorce. Ending a marriage is one of the most difficult decisions most people will ever face, which is why it is crucial to feel confident that you have made the right choice.

For some people divorce is clearly the best option. If the fighting has gotten out of hand with no hope of easing tensions and the stress has started to negatively impact your children, divorce is likely the right move. In other cases, the distance that a separation brings might be all that you need to get your marriage back on a sound footing. Yahoo put together a list of some of the following questions to ask before making the decision to divorce.

First, are you both ready to leave or is the unhappiness with only one party? This question is important because in cases where only one spouse is unhappy, a separation can often be a good idea. For one thing, a separation allows the unhappy spouse to have some space and really think through their decision. For another, it gives the other party time to come to grips with the idea of divorcing. If both parties want out, and are sure of it, then that might be a reason to consider divorcing since you are both already on the same page.

Billionaire Oil Man Prepares For World’s Most Expensive Divorce :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: March 26, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Attorney Matthew R. Arnold answering the question: “How long does getting a divorce take?”

There is talk that a currently pending divorce involving Oklahoma oil mogul Harold Hamm and his second wife, Sue Ann Hamm, could be the largest divorce settlement in history. Just how much Sue Ann stands to walk away with depends on how much of Hamm’s oil company shares Sue Ann is able to lay claim to.

Hamm appeared on the recent Forbes list of the world’s wealthiest people with an estimated $11.3 billion net worth. The reason for Hamm’s wealth is his ownership in the oil company Continental Resources, a major player in the currently booming oil production out of North Dakota.

Hamm’s story is one common among entrepreneurs, beginning at the bottom and working his way to the top. Hamm started work at 20, scrubbing old oil barrels in Oklahoma. He grew in his job and learned new tasks, eventually scraping together enough money to start Continental in 1967, several decades before he married Sue Ann.

Hamm struck gold (black gold, that is) in the 1990s when he discovered the Bakken oil field of North Dakota, the largest oil field in the U.S. to have been discovered since the 1960s. The discovery sparked a surge in U.S. oil production, with Continental leading the way. The company has made millions by introducing the practice known as fracking, which helps extract oil from soil that was previously too hard to access. Today the Bakken makes up about 10% of total American oil output, with Continental holding on to a large slice of the pie.

Fear Of Chinese Property Bust Leads To Divorce Boom :: Separation and Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina

Published on: March 21, 2013 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

Apparently in China the new thing to do is to get divorced. Filings in the country have exploded in recent weeks according to various reports. The reason is an odd one. It’s not the obvious answer, that mass numbers of Chinese people have simultaneously grown tired of their spouses. Instead, it has to do with real estate.

The Chinese government recently implemented a new tax on real estate sales, which contains an important loophole. The provision says that those people who are separated from their spouse can avoid paying the new tax.

The move to tax real estate sales is an attempt by the Chinese government to reign in their wild real estate market, which many international observers believe is headed for a bust. Property prices have skyrocketed across the country, but especially in the booming coastal cities of Beijing and Shanghai. To help avoid the painful bursting of a property bubble, the government is trying to use a tax to lower people’s enthusiasm for purchasing real estate.

The law applies a whopping 20 percent capital gains tax to the sale of any second homes. It didn’t take long for Chinese couples to figure out that if they divorced, they could each act as if they only had one home. By appearing to only own one house, the couple could sell the second property and avoid the 20 percent tax. After the sale of the house is finalized, all the couples have to do is get remarried.

According to the Shanghai Daily, one marriage registration center in the Zhabei District of Shanghai saw a record 53 divorces last week. The previous high was 40. In another district, 250 cases were filed as opposed to a typical 60 or 70. In the Changning District, divorce figures have reportedly jumped by 30 percent in only the last few weeks.

Prenuptial Agreement Lawyers in Charlotte, Mecklenburg County, NC :: Bizarre Prenuptial Agreement Terms

Published on: November 1, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

When it comes to drafting a prenuptial agreement, outlining each partner’s expectations can be a healthy move to protecting your future and ensuring that your particular concerns are addressed. Heading into a marriage fully informed about each party’s assets and what will happen in the event that the marriage ends in divorce allows both parties to move forward with a complete understanding of what is expected of them. Though prenups are generally great things that serve a useful purpose, one recent article in the New York Post revealed some of the entertaining and downright bizarre demands that some people insert in their prenups.

One good example is an agreement that stipulated that there be no piano playing while the husband was in the home. Another said that the wife was not allowed to cut her hair. One New York City divorce attorney said that she’d worked on cases where the parties inserted language about living in a smoke-free household. Another of her clients insisted that a paragraph be added that said the parties agreed to go to the Rice Diet Program facility every year and another that banned TV from the house.

One agreement laid out a penalty system for personal infractions. For instance, if the husband behaved rudely toward his in-laws, a payment of $10,000 was required. In yet another case, one husband whose first wife was morbidly obese insisted that his second wife agree to terms that said if her weight ever exceeded 170 pounds, she would forfeit her $10,000 allowance. Given that what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, the wife had language added that said if the husband’s weight exceeded 240 pounds he would pay the wife an additional $10,000.

Divorce Lawyers in Charlotte, North Carolina :: Study Shows Correlation Between Shared Chores and Higher Divorce Rates

Published on: October 2, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

A recent study out of Norway revealed that divorce rates are higher among couples who equally share the housework than in those where the woman does the bulk of the chores. The bizarre findings indicate that the divorce rate among couples who shared housework equally was around 50% higher than among those where the woman did most of the work.

The author of the study, Thomas Hansen, said that the results show that equal responsibility for housework does not necessary contribute to a happy home. The author responsible said the fact that equality and happiness did not correlate came as a surprise to him. “One would think that break-ups would occur more often in families with less equality at home, but our statistics show the opposite.”

The reasons, though, have little to do with the chores. One possible explanation is the importance of defined roles in the family. These very clear roles help avoid situations where one spouse steps on the other’s toes, giving each an area of control. By not having overlapping household responsibilities, there’s less friction over chores and thus less arguments.

Benefits of Lump Sum Alimony in Charlotte, NC

Published on: September 13, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

The family law practice area has seen the current economic climate lead to a huge increase in the number of modifications for existing child support and alimony awards. People are losing jobs, losing homes, taking pay cuts, losing bonuses and other compensation that was previously used to determine such financial support awards. This can be an especially big problem in cases where one party has received an alimony award and relies on those monthly payments to meet their basic living expenses.

If someone retires, gets injured, loses their job or is otherwise unable to make alimony payments, and your alimony is not designated as “non-modifiable” you may very well receive a discounted alimony payment on an ongoing basis or it may be eliminated all together. Even if the alimony award is non-modifiable, if the person responsible for making alimony payments loses a job and has no assets or means to pay, your chances of being able to hold someone in contempt for non-payment of alimony are slim. Given those potential concerns and the current state of our economy, those who are entitled to any form of alimony really should consider the idea of “lump sum” upfront payments so that they can avoid the issue of an alimony award being terminated or reduced based upon unfortunate circumstances arising in the future.

If there are assets, especially cash assets, available during the initial divorce proceeding it makes sense to at least consider how much of those assets could be distributed to you in a settlement in exchange for a reduced alimony payment. No one knows what the future holds and getting your money up front is a way to reduce potential risk down the road. Lump sum alimony does come with the responsibility of being smart with the money you get up front and making sure the lump sum lasts. This requires you being savvy and meeting with a financial planner or other adviser to manage your money properly.

Child Custody Cases in Iredell County, NC are Hard Enough, but What about the Dog?

Published on: September 11, 2012 | On behalf of Arnold & Smith, PLLC

As everyone knows, child custody is one aspect of divorce that can cause terrible bitterness and turn an otherwise amicable split into a drawn-out, expensive battle that leaves everyone battered and bruised, including the kids. The only good thing about child custody disputes is that they operate on an established set of laws and case precedents.

As discussed in an article on LATimes.com, determining who should get custody of the family pet is a totally different story. Pets are still viewed as property by the courts, even though many couples regard them much more personally. Because there are very few rules when it comes to deciding who should get custody of the pets, there is a wide variance among judges. Couples cannot assume a judge will make the decision based on who brought the pet into the relationship, nor can they count on the same elaborate factors being assessed that are considered when deciding child custody. In the olden days some judges would rely on “calling contests,” in which the spouse who could get the dog to come to them won custody. Far from scientific, courts have moved away from that process today.

So what are the options for spouses caught in a battle over your pet pooch? According to the LA Times, one possibility is to do what people with human children do, and work out a joint custody agreement. With a little extra work, both of you can keep taking your pride and joy to the dog park. Another benefit is that with shared custody you can always ensure there is someone around to look after your dog if you have to leave town.

This obviously won’t work if you and your ex will be geographically separate. If that’s the case, then you will need to do an honest evaluation of who is better equipped to take care of your pet. Who will be away from home more, which one of you has traditionally done most of the caretaking and, if you do have kids, how will child custody affect the decision.